I don't have any follow through, help!

Life in Recovery
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So I had a really bad day today and relapsed and when I was talking to my partner she told me (and I agree) that I have very little follow through.
What I mean by this is that after I relapse I start to help myself but then just stop at step one in the process of doing so.
She suggested that along with rewarding myself when I do good I need to have consequences when I do bad or stop on my progress in recovery. I agree but have no idea what kind of consequences I could do. Like I don’t think I should be so so hard on myself but I do need some incentive to work on my recovery that isn’t just that one day I will look back on my life and be hopefully proud of myself.

Does anyone have any ideas of consequences for not keeping on track?

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Personally for me, I got to a point in my addiction where I was so numb and dumb - from my addiction taking over my mind and emotions - that I felt like my life was empty.

To me, that’s the ultimate consequence. Why would I continue with this addiction that is making me empty and numb? Who lives that way?

I am still working on it but I am feeling constructive and making progress one day at a time.

For me, I think more in terms of holding myself accountable.

I hold myself accountable by doing these things daily:

  • I call my sponsor to check in. I leave him a voicemail with answers to my daily checkin questions.
  • I call friends from my recovery group in the mornings and do a “daily sobriety renewal” (a set of eight questions we ask each other to recommit for the day ahead)
  • I visit Talking Sober and read and share
  • I get enough rest (I take naps, I get enough sleep)
  • I let go, I don’t try to do everything or cover everything. I try to live like a tree lives: grow one leaf at a time, don’t try to be everything, and remember that most stuff is outside my control (I can’t control the weather or the sun, for example). I just trust that what I need, will come to me when I need it.

I do these things weekly:

  • attend at least one sobriety meeting, sometimes two or three (depends on the week)
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For me the consequences are ruined relationships, ruined health, depression, anxiety, and self loathing. If your DOC is causing negativity in your lives then that could be enough of a consequence to put it down.

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If I am self destructive then I fear that those things won’t. I think I will try and have a list of daily things that will help me to stay present in my life and if I miss one of these easy to do things then it will cost me a dollar or five depending on the thing and this will be money I donate at the end of the month.

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If you keep relapsing you won’t have to worry about figuring out consequences, they will find you on their own. And when they do come I reckon they’ll be a lot worse than what you anticipated.

It seems as if you have a golden opportunity to make some changes before that happens.

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How do you currently so this? What is a reward to you?

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Sounds like you need an accountability partner. I do not believe self punishment is a good thing, consequences as your partner is calling.

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In what ways is your addiction harming you and holding you back?

What are goals that you have in life, dreams and wishes? Cos you can achieve them, but not in active addiction.

There you go, your consequences and your reasons to want to do better.

Superficial rewards and punishments won’t do squat. You need to do the work of self exploration.

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For me it’s remembering past consequences. And no matter how bad they got, they only got worse each time they resurfaced.

Do you understand the reasons you want to stop?

It was suggested to me to write it on a note card. On one side the negatives I faced when I drank. And on the other what I hoped might happen instead if I didn’t. When I thought about having a drink, pull it out and give it a read.

No self-imposed consequences were as bad as the ones that happen on their own… Though I guess those were on me too.