Im 58 days sober and my husband is still actively drinking everyday i dont expect him to stop thats his choice but i do have a hard time being around him when hes drunk … so i tend to avoid him. His mom is in the hospital currently her liver is failing shes been in out of the hospital for about a month. Now neither me or my husband are very good at expressing our emotions like at all so we dont talk to much about the serious stuff. Only when he gets drunk he gets emotional and accuses me of not caring and then i just get mad an upset bc i do care im just not good at showig it and honestly im not good at handling him without getting mad i want to help but he only shows emotion when hes drunk and he doesnt want to hear me at that point . I really dont know what to do or say or how to act i just knoe im literally doing everything wrong . We just got in a fight bc of it and yes i was thinking i really want a drink maybe im selfish.
You will never win a fight with a drunk person. There will never be anything you can do or say to him when he is drunk that will be to his liking enough. I’m so sorry you have to live with that Alanon might be helpful.
I just dont want him to think i dont care about him or his mom
That’s the tough stuff in relationships. You are not alone. My ex would also only talk when drunken and I also avoided him when he drank and I also heard the you-don’t-care stuff.
Give it a chance to talk to him when he is sober. There’s no sense in arguing with a drunk person. I hear you, I got mad at my ex hundreds and hundreds of times with no result. He would never listen.
Sorry you have to go through this. Stay sober, sending you hugs 
That sounds very challenging. One piece of advice my husband and I got from one of our therapists years ago that really stuck, was do not engage or participate in discussions around serious topics, feelings, etc when either of us had been drinking.
When we were both sober, rested and not hungover, we sat down and discussed this as a rule we would agree upon. That if either of us tried to bring stuff up when drinking, it was okay and acceptable to say, ‘Remember, we agreed we would not discuss important topics when one or both of us has been drinking. I will be happy to discuss with you tomorrow. I love you.’ Then go for a walk, take a bath, go to bed or whatever. It took time to get comfortable and okay with this, but we both follow amd agree on this rule and it helped a lot, still does, as my husband drinks.
Maybe you and your husband can sit down and agree to something similar? I hope so. Sending hugs and strength.
I’m a year sober with a husband who drinks. The number one rule is don’t let their behavior affect your sobriety. You can only control yourself. You can’t make him stop drinking or make him listen to you. It gets easier once you set boundaries about not engaging in arguments while they are drinking. I go to bed early on nights when he tries to pick fights and we both get to say our piece in the morning.
Most importantly, keep yourself safe and keep yourself sober. I often asked my husband early on “could you imagine how much worse this argument would be if I were drinking too?” You set the example and get those good sober days. I don’t miss drunken screaming matches.
It sounds like his abuse of alcohol is a problem. Have you asked him to stop drinking?