Ive been an alcoholic sence i was 8 , my first hits of DMT, I was 10, my first LSD I was 11, by the time i was 14, i was put into a mental health center, because i was a mean suicial wanting to kill my father child . I continued doing , Black Beauties, Qualudes, and LSD , almost everyday i was in there. They let me out when my parents insurance ran out . THEY DID NOT HELP ME . I DONT EVEN THINK THEY KNEW .
I have been a musician and around everything my whole life. Im 57 now its been 49 years.
Over the last few years I can not drink, i throw up, after 2 good beers . Im going to stop here and say i dont understand how to be normal and be around people , and i lost my girlfriend for high stress situations , and me just caving in on myself . I need help , not to stop drinking but to be normal .
Neither do I. Welcome to the club! 
You’re not alone in being a musician in recovery. @HoofHearted is one too. I think he’s also a drummer? (Dan?)
It is possible to get and keep recovery. It takes daily work, sometimes hourly; it takes what it takes. It is 100% worth it.
Have you looked at a recovery group like AA or SMART Recovery? Something to get some human contact and some advice.
Welcome @Drummer26 im glad you found us
Being “normal” is boring. Being in recovery is amazing and possible if youre willing to put in the work.
I found sobriety after 20 years of insanity. What worked for me was finding this place and the rooms of AA
I was that “party” girl! I was the one who everyone hooted and yelled HEEYYY THERE SHE IS when I walked into the party. I would have two bottles in each hand yelling back at everyone. I had to say good bye to that party girl. Now I go to gatherings, if I’m even INVITED, and drink my water with a sober person nearby. I’ve been shunned by people because I don’t partake (especially coworkers and supervisors after hours). But I’ve learned to say goodbye to that party girl and hello to the me that I’m proud of. It takes some time and practice but it will be a new you 
Think of it as switching your musical personality genre and all that comes with it- a different beat and slower lyrics… Not better or a worse version but just a different version of you and embrace it 
Become someone you love 
I spent 20 years in the music industry. It’s mostly a blur. That led to an insane addict life after. It’s definitely tough, but think about your health and living a long life. That’s what’s pushing me forward. Having a family and almost losing them last week really hit me hard. (Also, spending 6 days in the psych ward was a big wake up call.) None of it is worth it. You’ve definitely had your fun, now it’s time to enjoy what’s left of this very short life we have.
I have not tried Smart recovery , someone else just told me about it. I will look. Thank you
I had to move to the forest to get away from the huge music scenes ive been in my whole life. That’s helped me quit the most , but just because there are not thousands of people i see everyday does not mean that the few i do see arn’t all alcoholics , and partiers, Just less .
Now Im figureing out being straight is fucking hard . That anhedonia is me in a nutshell.
Right now im in a extremely stressful situation and im not dealing with it well , and i need to over come and understand what the hell is wrong with me so i can support, my ex/ my best friend , so we can deal with her physical problems . I have to function normally for her right now so im seeking understanding .If I can understand it I can fix it . I may have fucked up my girlfriend relationship but she’s extremely important to me,