I expected that... But I didn't expect it will come worse

I woke up feeling a lot shitty, with full nose and hardly breathing. Something turned off tonight. I remember how I woke up at 4am before and I felt like world doesn’t exist and that I’m only illusion.
I did what I did. And I’m sorry for myself and for you all. I’m just crying here, no idea who to tell about my depressive episode incoming again and that I relapsed and hurted myself, because I felt so unreal and so shitty.
The most breaking my heart is that few days ago I was so sure everything is gonna be okay and that I’m strong enough to everything survive… And now I’m just sitting, crying and bleeding, feeling like a mistake.
I will try to calm down and take care of myself and my cuts, but now I just need to cry it all.
I’m again a lot sorry, but I believe I can do it. How Kathleen Glasgow said, be strong and keep your shit together.


Don’t be sorry for us. You’re here now. Take care of yourself and know you’re not alone. We’re in this together :people_hugging:


Oh dear.
Sorry to hear that. I guess it is a bumpy road we are travelling. I know how you feel, that you feel bad now.
There is nothing you can change about what happened right now. But you can look forward from here. It will get better. This is what helped me with all my relapses. Feeling shitty, but knowing it can and will get better from here. This even gave me some kinda ease.

Take care of yourself. Be a bit more egoistic and take time for yourself. Treat yourself good. You are worth it!
And it will become better a little bet day after day. I promise.
We can do this.

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I have also been so sure that I have it beat, only to be totally confused and disappointed by my actions a few hours later. You are not a mistake, you are you, with your ‘charm points’ and flaws, and fears and history, and you are working on yourself like we all are.