This is why I want to live a sober life. I just don’t feel like I know who I really am, and each time I drink and/or drug I grow further apart from who I really am. Every drunk/high is like a reset on figuring out who I am. I feel like I never really got a chance to know myself since I’ve been abusing half my life. How could I really get to know myself if I’m using alcohol/drugs to mask and run away from emotions I would rather not feel? I’m tired of this confusion, doubt, and loss.
14 Likes
Drugs often mask who we really are and when we run with the addiction we often lose touch with ourselves, I am also going through that, ur not alone
2 Likes
Thanks for sharing.
I know it’s hard brotha, I’m only 14 days clean and it’s hard as hell, but it will be worth it in the long run ya know, as much as we miss using and drinking, we need time of clarity, in order to find out how we really feel, goals and aspirations etc, you can do it bro, if I can stop suboxone cold turkey after 3 years, I know u can stop what ever your doing
1 Like
I feel like I just all in all read my own story.
2 Likes
Glad you can relate. Hang in there.
1 Like
Yeah me too @dragonchaser84. I go through wondering who I am if I’m not the drinker/druggie and also I worry about how others see me. I guess we’ll figure it out along the way…
1 Like
Thanks for sharing.
yea i hear that. the main reasons i stopped drinking/using was 'cause i didn’t want to die and i hated myself. i can’t even begin to like who i think i am when i’m using/drinking all the time and i can’t learn to live the way i want to either. i’m just a fucking atm dispensing what little money i have to stay numb to the world. lying to everyone lying to myself. fuck all that.
sobriety and recovery are tough but i’m finding out so much about myself slowly but surely. a lot of it i don’t like looking at (why i’d been avoiding facing any of it for half my life) but i’m finding that with help of other clean/sober people it’s well worth the effort, and i really don’t think i’ll stay sober without doing so.
best to you 
1 Like
Thanks for sharing.
Its a weird position isnt it? But it can be a good one! Its kind of like a true clean slate, a confusing one nonetheless, but a fresh start to shape yourself how you want. I see people all the time that have lived one way for so long, have been one person for so long and they seem hopeless in a sense that they will never grow, they will never change who they are because it has always worked for them. For us “addicts” that have bounced around constantly in different walks of life, we are more open and susceptible to change into who we want to become.
4 Likes
Great insight, I agree with this 
I also started using very young and now that I’m clean it’s like I’m experiencing life for the first time. everything is uncharted territory. What keeps me clean is knowing the opportunities that will bloom in my life if I keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s very exciting. Keep up the fight !
2 Likes
@AtomGee I fully agree.
I know that looking back on my life as an addict I changed who I was to fit the situation, the people, the behavior or atmosphere. Now that I’m 45 days sober I feel the same as @dragonchaser84 I’m just not sure how to be myself
2 Likes
This might be kinda lame but I’ve been making an effort to listen to old music that I loved before I started using. Like back to 6th to 9th grade stuff. That would be 80’s music y’all. Anything that I loved before my brain got warped. I’m trying to remember what I was like before.
3 Likes
Yes!! I suspect I started drinking because I was afraid people wouldn’t like the real me…but then in the end I failed to find out who the real me actually is. I had a full blown mid-life crisis over this at 35-ish because I didn’t know who I was anymore. Sadly I kept drinking for another 10 years.
Hopefully being clearheaded now we’ll all be able to figure it all out.
2 Likes
Very well said. I’ve had very similar feelings. What I’m I supposed to do with my thoughts now? Where do I focus my energy? I feel like booze helped perpetuate a created/false identity and now I’ve hit reset and all bets are off. I’ve also noticed a weird sense of nostalgia for things I was into when I was a teen (right around the time I began altering my mind). I thought that was strange… almost like I was starting where I left off. Thanks for the post!
3 Likes