I suppose I never really was sober. Even when I said I was or appeared as such. Of course I had my occasional month or two where I’d give it the old college try but I’d always end up back to where I was. I have lost so many great jobs to my addiction. It isnt one thing ot another…if it made me feel good, I took it. Now here I sit. Sad, embarrassed, and feeling so alone I can’t bare it. I had to quit my job because that’s where I would get my shit. So here I sit jobless, anxious, and defeated. I’m trying to count the good things. But I’m finding it hard. My husband hates me I think (this isn’t the first time). I’m so scared. My head isn’t right. I dont know what to do.
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Thank you so much for your reply. I can say no the only pro was that I couldn’t feel anything. I am trying so hard to do it this time.
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Welcome Lauren! That is a tough, heartbreaking spot to be in but you’re making a start and picking yourself up. There are so many people who have been through what you’ve been through. Do not give up 
Have you checked out a meeting in your area? There are so many good ones, so many different approaches and philosophies. Being alone in recovery (or feeling alone) is heartbreaking (and we all know how loneliness and sadness are triggers). What are your meeting options?
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I’ve never been to a meeting. I am doing this for the first time. I suffer from a few mental issues and am looking into some therepy.
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@Fargesia_murielae is right - I’ve found meetings and therapy work really well together. For me money is a bit tight, so I can only do therapy once a month, but I go to meetings 5 days a week. The companionship has made the difference for me more times than I can count
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There’s a really, really good thread of meetings and recovery supports here - lots of options for you to explore. Try different types of meetings, you’ll find what works for you:
Decide to be better, and then work to be better. Nothing will get better, until you get after it. Sober is better. Start there.
I don’t know what tools you need to do this. For me, it’s this forum, my faith and my study of martial arts. For me, this is sufficient. I just add the will, the desire to the mix.
What I have learned about myself on my personal journey, and from watching the struggles of others is this: Self-pity and inaction will not move you forward.
You might need more, at least in the beginning. Rule nothing out. Meetings, counseling, psychotherapy, mental health meds. Whatever it takes, be willing to do it.
Some things will make you uncomfortable. Accept this. Seeking comfort is what brought us to this point. Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
Welcome. I am glad you are here, and I hope you will stay, learn, share, and thrive!
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