First thing I thought before writing was “I’m sorry”. You guys don’t even know me, but yeah… I relapsed not after long. This is what bothers me. As always, I can still go to work (even though someone has already said they could smell alcohol on my breath) and I am functioning. Barely but I am. I guess it’s hard to break the cycle. I am trying but it is so hard. I feel so lost . So overwhelmed by everything. Maybe I should digress about all the troubles when I am sober. But I swear, I try. It’s just so hard. I have to deal with my boss who just recently broke off a relationship and she is crying everyday before 9am. I try to give advice (I know I am not the best person to do so, but she doesn’t have anybody else) but that’s not something I should be doing now and it’s eating me alive. I already have my traumas and problems. I should not have to put on a cape and help someone who in the past has belittled me. But still I am my fathers daughter (he is also an alcoholic as everyone before him) and I can’t help myself but to try to fix other peoples problems (except for mine apparently). Can someone who has been at this kind of situation please reach out to me? I would be so grateful 
What outside support are you actively seeking to aide in your sobriety?
Therapy and this group. That’s it. I have just written a bit more. If you have any thoughts i would appreciate them
You’re not the worst person ever, you’re struggling with an addiction- a progressive illness which sucks. Pause, give yourself a break, then think about what you’re going to do about it…
A lot of what you say resonates with me. My father is an alcoholic (and it’s just about to kill him) and crazily my stepfather and HIS father were both alcoholics. Difference in their case was that they both had the strength to go sober and remain that way.
What you say about trying to fix other people not yourself also reminds me of my own behaviour. I thought about it and in many ways it’s easier to spend time fixing someone else than to try and fix yourself. If you succeed in helping someone then you feel good, and if you don’t - oh well it’s not your problem is it?
However if you succeed in fixing yourself as an addict then it’s hard to feel good about it, because there’s always this guilt that your addiction is self inflicted. Well… it’s not! It’s not our fault that we have addictions… what IS our fault is if we don’t do something about it. And if you DONT succeed in fixing yourself? Well then it’s an early death isn’t it? So the stakes are much higher when it comes to our own problems than someone else’s problems.
We try and fix other people because we feel that it’s less risky than trying to fix ourselves.
Keep trying, keep searching, keep reading. There will be something here that will stick and help you. There is no other choice but to beat your addiction.
If you haven’t tried specific alcoholic groups like AA / SMART I strongly suggest it. I know I tried a few combinations, but I needed AA to quit. Give any group you try a good shot. Not just one meeting and think ‘it feels a bit weird’. Commit to several months and really give it your all.
What you said affected me because I am so good at helping others. I listen, I empathize, I try to imagine myself in their shoes to feel what they are feeling. I give thoughtful advice or remarks or just listen. But I am mean as hell to myself. I never take my own advice. I have little tolerance for my own struggles and failures. I don’t give myself grace or space at all. This is what I am actively working on because it’s a horrible way to be, and it keeps me in my own addiction cycle where shame feeds more shame, and I just feel miserable. Right now my tools are journals, this forum, and trying to make schedules so that I have dedicated times for work, home, and personal projects because I have way too much on my plate, but that’s not changing.
Thank you for your words. I really love my dad and my family but I want to break the cycle. Today is a new day and I am going to be strong. Only I can take myself out of this hole.
Thank you for sharing. I am considering a journal but I would be so ashamed if someone read it. I put on a facade and keep so many things from people. But it would be a way to get things out of my system and work on them.
Thank you. I will look into that. I probably need more help than I think
It is much easier to try to fix someone else than it is to look inward. I was a fixer too. I had a ton of friends who loved venting to me and who knew nothing about me because I didn’t share.
The good news @Lulu87 is that you are not the worst person ever. You may feel that way but you aren’t and I say this with some certainty knowing very little about you. What makes you better than others in the running for worst person is that you know and admit that you are flawed. Horrible people don’t do that.
Step one, start quitting again. Don’t drink today. If it gets really unbearable and you feel like you might drink reach out here or go to a meeting. It’s hard but it’s worth it. The deeper issues you are concealing can only be faced sober. You can do this.
You should feel proud you reached out and came here for advice and help. You’re not as mean to yourself as you think. Slowly your inner voice might soften as you recall the positive things you do yourself. When you’re a caring, selfless person it is challenging to find the balance between empathizing with others while trying to empathize with yourself first.
Choose sobriety, take your first step back to sobriety and move forward. Relapse is tough, I have many times myself. Come back and keep sharing 
You are not a horrible person. And yes, based on your posts, you do need more help than you think. If they can smell alcohol on your breath at work, you are deeply in the throws of alcoholism and just haven’t accepted it yet. It took me years to accept, even though I “knew” for a long time.
This is a great community. I hope you will take the suggestions you see here.
Thank you so much 