My name is Haley, I’m about to be 32 this month and I have 84 days clean today. When I was 13 I self harmed for the first time. This was the start to my many levels of change with addiction. At 19 it turned to alcohol I drank ever night/all night went to work n started over. Then my mom (who I don’t talk to not) was drunk and left on the side of the highway by her beloved boyfriend. She was depressed, crying, and suicidal. She jumped in from of a gentleman’s car. It drug her 50 feet. She was divorced and not remained, being the oldest I was her next of kin. I went to Omaha hospital and had to speak of a dnr. Mom not survived and it helped me with my drinking… For a while I drank often till I was 21. In 2012 I tried meth for the first time. I was so depressed and couldn’t connect with my newborn baby boy Karsin. I just kept saying what’s wrong with me. I gave him to my sister. I then used with a friend I used to drink with. I went on a 3 month binge. I got clean( karsins dad took me in and moved me to Sheldon where I knew no dealers) in 2017 I ment Christopher. We got close and talked in the phone for a year and a half (he lived in another state) I smoked pot and drink a Guinness or 2 after work during this 1 1/2. He then came to live with me And after 3 weeks I was smoking meth again but this time I went wild. For months straight. We then got dhs involved and we got clean we made it almost 6 months and relapsed. We relapsed of and on for 3 yearz. I went to treatment and got clean for 71/2 months and we broke up, I moved out. Well people who were using them moved in my building. I called Christopher and we used together. That was the start of the last year of not getting 2 weeks before using again. I used so hard bc I missed my son so much and using masked it . Kind of… well not really) 84 days ago I went back to treatment. My sponsor told me when In treatment I need to let go of the guy I have for letting my second son (Cj) to to my sister. I then confunted that guilt and it’s helped me learn to use I feel statements, talk about my feels to people, not self harm, do affirmations when I feel weak. And most of all. I feel happy, proud of myself, and am in the best for a relationship with Christopher. We both have the same clean date and we’re more in love than ever.
Please love yourself and if you feel you can not… I’m here to love you untill you figure out what I have…YOU WORTH IT!!!
- Haley