First challenge last night.
I had the evening to myself and the demons living in my head started talking. I stayed late at work to keep myself busy and drove straight home afterwards.
Cooked the next few days dinner for my dogs and played music. Went to bed sober. I did have a terrible nights sleep however, but i am expecting that for a while from past sober stints.
So a massive thanks to all of you who helped get me through yesterday and set me up for the strength to get through last night.
Pressure is off tonight, i have plans with my wife so no opportunity.
Honestly wish i could go back in time and tell my stupid younger self that what seems like fun right now will end up being the biggest obstacle to overcome in a few years time. That kid was a fool. This man is still a fool, but a fool who is learning.
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Tell those demons to shut the eff up and keep in your mind what it will be like to one day not have to feel like this and to have that control back because you can, i remember absolutely gritting my teeth at the beginning to hit that pillow sober each night, if i can do it you can…have that sobriety your absolute top priority…i still tell myself that relapse is just not an option and so i must find another way.
I applaud you for your first night sober 
GO ADAM!!
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Thanks. I appreciate that. Was tough, but i am grateful today.
Had very broken sleep. Although on a positive i managed to read over 200 pages of my book during the night. Every cloud and all that.
Yuk. Positivity leaves a sour taste in my mouth lol. Im not used to it.
Its ok. I balanced it out by yelling at a driver that cut me up this morning.
Im going to make a coffee now. The strongest thing i will drink today!!!
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Yeah its hard to be positive when your goin through shit i get that…there will be times when your angry, upset, emotional but none of those are a reason to drink or use…there are loads of other ways to deal with stuff just let it come and dont try to run…theyre often not as bad as all that its just that youve gotten so used to running…screaming into a pillow became a fave of mine lol. Remember you are doing this for you not because you dont have the opportunity to do it and each day you hit that pillow sober your sobriety, self esteem and self control are bolstered. Sleep is for wimps anyway lol xx
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What helped me just in my first month, before gong back to AA was getting a prescription for Antabuse (and using it as directed) and individual sessions with a drug and alcohol counselor.
I did arrange my life somewhat to control the circumstances so that I would be less exposed to opportunities to drink, but the real gains came in growing my sobriety. AA defines a spiritual experience as the personality change sufficient to overcome alcoholism. That’s what I mean by growing sobriety - certainly stacking up dry days, and also changing my inner landscape.
Glad you made it through that first night.
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Congrats on making it through the night. That’s a big thing. You rock!
Let’s go to the next 24.
ODAAT 
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Its crazy how as teens we are just living life and having fun, but as you get older and the neuropathways strengthen over time and continued use we realise we are in a battle for our lives. I wish I could go back and show myself how bad it gets. How a few lines of cocaine today at a party will turn into a 8 ball to yourself, in your room, hidden, tightroping the lines of life and death.
I went back to your posts to get a sense of you. I just got back on here after a while, and a few relapses. I wish you well.
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Thank you Michelle i appreciate your message.
I havent given up yet. I am back on the wagon today.
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