I made it 12 days sober. Today I had a really hard counseling session with my S/O and went drinking after. All the way to the bar walking in, ordering, and staring at my drink for like 10 mins thinking how I shouldn’t be doing this and that I’m being weak. Ended up drinking it and now I feel like what’s the point might as well just get hammered. I’m feeling very ashamed and defeated. Why is this crap so hard dangit. I don’t know if I can do this on my own…
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You’re in the right place! I think that is the important thing. You came here instead of continuing. No reason to continue to the bottom floor. If you have alcohol in the house dump it. Don’t think that it doesn’t matter because you already screwed up. It matters. You’re on your way. Please post and hang out with us.
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You had one, and you can end it at that one. Slips can happen early in recovery, believe me lol, I had 17 “slips” in February, 7 in March. See what April brings. Sounds like you’re using alcohol as an unhealthy coping skill, so you’ll have to find other coping skills to fill your tool box with.
Did you end up having another drink?
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Yeah, I had another then left. I would have probably kept drinking but had less cash then I thought, because I didn’t want it on my bank statement 
I’m back home now
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Glad you’re back home. Glad you reached out here. Those slips suck, but we can curb them.
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Welcome Devon!! Ur not alone… alot of us cant do it on our own. This forum is a great place to check in. Especially when the cravings hit. Theres also in person and online meetings if ur interested in those. That is also a great place for support. Im sorry u had a rough day 
but try not to make it any worse by continuing on with drinking. Drinking doesn’t make things any better. Tomorrow is a new day. Get right back on track. U can do this!
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U said needed help and cant do this alone for me meetings made it easier for me to make new sober friends and i wasnt alone anymore and up to today its worked wish you well
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Welcome to my favorite part of the internet. Most of us cant do it alone which is why we are here. Many of us alao use recovery programs like AA, SMART, or Recovery Dharma to connect with other alcoholics in our area and get more support that way.
Good on you for 12 days, only one drink, and coming here for help right after. I would encourage you to create a plan for next time you are triggered: what will you do instead of drink? Please always feel free to check in here if youre having cravings and someone will be there to talk to you 
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@DZwan Welcome to the community man!
Have you tried checking out AA meetings?
Don’t beat yourself up, instead - keep trying. And tell yourself if you fail again, that you’ll keep trying till you figure it out.
I go to meetings I don’t try to do it alone. It’s much easier with other people.
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Hows your day going?
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rebelion is one of my main issues. defiance.