I was felling awful. I’m fucking scared. I had left over baggies so at 2 in the morning I scraped over 70 baggies just to get a tiny tiny line. I did feel better after. Now I have thrown away everything. The only way for me to get more is spend my bill money. Which I just can’t. I want to get clean for me but also what helped start this now is bills see I live with my ma. And she depends on me a lot financially.
So here I am like 5 hours into it again.
Any help . I will not go to a state facility they are like jail and will give me subs which I can’t take even after 80 hours after using fetty subs will still put me in PWS. I swear I signed up for H. H was easy wait 24 do a sub. Start weaning off subs in 2- 3 days and new man. **Not with this fetty. Medicare did put me as emergency. But could take up to 30 - 45 days for approval. Thats what the crisis center recommended me to do was apply for medicade. This way almost all treatment centers would take me. Idk been told maybe the 1st of month I’ll get the approval or denial. I would have went to detox today if it wasn’t a state funded facility that is treating fetty addicts as if it’s H. When it’s a totally different monster that stays in fat cells so damn long.
I recent my clean time
Welcome D! I don’t have any advice but wanted to welcome you to the forum. Withdrawal is hell but the good news is this is the last time you’ll ever have to feel this bad ever again.
I was lucky to have insurance that covered my outpatient detox at a private facility. Thankfully, the medication helped ease my symptoms but it was still the worst recovery I’ve ever experienced.
Whatever you do, don’t pick up. The withdrawal will not kill you but using again can. That’s the reality of your situation. Fight for your life!
When Medicaid coverage goes into effect, get yourself some help, even if you’re beyond the withdrawal stage. I found an intensive outpatient program after detox. It gave me the foundation needed to start building a strong recovery program.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
Welcome to ts @PPR I’m sorry it’s not my addiction either so I can’t personally help but there are people on here who will get in contact and understand you @Lisa07 talks great sense on here this it the last time you go through this if you only don’t pick up .stay close to the sober community Today and well done for sharing with us your words will help others too good luck my friend we’re all doing it one day at a time 
I’m almost 7 years off heroin and fentanyl. Ain’t no easy way through any of it. Withdrawal is going to be hard and painful. I went the state funded facility route. It wasn’t passages, but it was a thousand times better than detoxing on the bathroom floor. I had to call that facility every morning for 2 weeks before they had a bed for me.
In my recovery I’ve had to do a whole bunch of things I didn’t want to do, and they’ve all been worth it.