I am socially anxious around women i find attractive. I feel like looking at porn contributed to that.
I think i’ve subconsciously told myself that i need to become sober from p*rn before i’m worth any woman’s time.
Because if i can’t stop looking at porn then i won’t be able to give the attention a woman wants from me.
I have generalized anxiety disorder. I feel like multiple things contributed to me getting this disorder. I think part of it was due to a withdrawal from pmo, part of it was from job stress, and part of it was from dealing with a very dramatic toxic brother who made it very stressful to live with him for years.
I also think i need a solid view of my values and beliefs before dating.
I’ve been told by a therapist that i could work on my beliefs in a relationship though.
hi my friend, glad you’re here and sharing with us, that’s the best thing you could be doing rn!
i can relate to so much of what you said, anxiety around women (or anyone) i find attractive, searching for (or fantasizing about) “material” based on that anxiety, having generalized anxiety disorder, and feeling like i need a clear idea of my own beliefs and values before i date anyone.
i’m only a few days sober from my addictions (more than PMO), but what i’ve learned from literature i’ve read and our fellows so far is that these struggles do improve with time. i know, that’s not exactly a great answer or bit of advice, but our brains really need time to heal.
for the meantime tho, keep on sharing, my friend! i’ve found that connecting with other PMOers, addicts, literally anyone on here, has saved me. i made it 3 days today and i can honestly say that it had nothing whatsoever to do with my will or desire to change, but the community i’ve found (and see my Higher Power in).
we got this, friend!! be good to yourself today <3
One of the greatest gifts of this journey for me was to drop this old counterfeit image of a woman and to discover and embrace women for who they truly are. To see their emotional spirit and their desire to love, have relationship, including marriage, having children, family. What motivates them to live. And what it means to be a woman. And then looking at myself to ask the question, What does it mean to be a man?.
I was horrible with women. But as my I made this paradigm shift in my thinking to redefine my definition of a woman, learning to love and appreciate then for who they are, not for what my messed up mind wanted them to be… I know what women want. What motivates them in life. I know why they love some men and why they reject others. I finally know how to be the man they they emotionally desire.
That’s when everything changed for me. I became very attractive to the opposite sex. I married, had children. I was able to live the dream. And if my wife ever died and I wanted another woman in my life, I know I would have no problem finding one to have a relationship with me; one that involved marriage and sexual intimacy.
That’s where this journey takes us. While choosing a life free of porn and lust, I forces me to look deep to uncover such major root problems that impact my relationships for the better. What a great gift! Love women for who they are, or don’t love them at all.
Like we need to be committed to the idea that the only way were going to get sexual satisfaction is through a committed relationship with a woman and if we don’t have one then we should just abstain from all sexual activity.
Maybe once we’ve sworn off p*rn for so long we can regularly masturbate without fantasy or porn every 90 days or something, but we should never compulsively masturbate.
I also heard we should never use masturbation to deal with stress, boredom or other negative emotions.