Anyone got any advice. I had 6 and a half months of sobriety last year, including no drugs or tobacco, I felt great. From practicing meditation, mindfulness etc my mindset I could cope with life and never thought I would revert back.
One evening out with friends, that all change. I had been out many times sober no problem, on this occasion for some reason I had 1 drink which led to a night of drink and drugs and fast forward to today I’m back in my old cycle of smoking, binge drinking and drug use and feeling like shit.
I think perhaps the feeling of failure has effected me a lot. I don’t know, any advice on how to get over a relapse?
Ok so not relapse, but I am definitely struggling with my lifestyle in general. I had this sweet spot around 2-5 months sober where I was super healthy and everything was amazing. Now I am overeating, not meditating, not exercising and I don’t know if that’s causing my mental health to be bad or if it’s not helping it get better or not, but mental health not great either way.
So the thing is I’ve got in my head that I should be like I was before because that was working. But actually if I only stuck at it for a few months, was that really working? Maybe not. Maybe it means I need to try something new. Focus in on what makes me happy and do more of that - not what I think I should do or what I have done in the past.
I don’t know if any of that is useful to you, but it’s what I’ve got
Narcotics Anon. Made my sobriety stick untill now.
What i get from OP story is your maintaining your old habits without the substances… That is a big burden to bare. Let go of your old paterns along with substances and you can find a new way of living.
I am in the same boat with alcohol. I made it a little over a year then decided it’s ok I can control it now…Hahaha…so wrong! I’m now on day 2 and honestly signed up for a competition to have goals and healthy goals. Our minds need to shift to know we are worthy of a better life a sober life. Stay strong and sober!
I am with you here my friend after 18 months sober I drank for nine months since then I’ve had some dark places but today I’m on day 3, OK day 3 you say wow big deal, if you feel like me it’s a huge deal. I can promise you you mindset will change I know this bc you are on here, you do want to stop even thought you might prefer to drink. it’s that tiny little flame that you gotta hold on to, that belief that one day you will be OK, it’s all I had and it slowly grew, I couldn’t force it to happen any quicker than it was, I had to stop fighting and start accepting. It’s horrible waiting to get your life back but you will, if your not happy about how your life is now then stands to rights there’s only one other alternative.
Hey @Ark
Thanks for being here and for your willingness to open up. A large percentage of us wind up in your exact situation… pretty much at the same time you did. It’s not because there’s something wrong with us. It is because we try to get sober without creating a strong recovery plan /program. (not to say that you haven’t, just saying that’s how this can happen)
I was in the same boat and right around 9 months I realized I was destined for a relapse. I had white knuckled it that far, by using this forum, but I didn’t really have any kind of strategy to keep myself healthy long term. So, I found an intensive outpatient program that took my insurance and started going 3 times per week. That was one of the most powerful things I’ve ever done for my mental /emotional well-being.
In IOP, I learned that getting sober is not the goal, it is the result of the goal. It’s the reward. The goal is to understand why we do what we do, change our harmful behaviors and make healthier choices. Drinking /using, much like abstaining and being sober, is the symptom of what’s going on inside us.
As you begin to rework your internal world, changing who you are, it is equally important to reorganize your external world. In my case, that meant making new alliances, mainly with sober people or those who support my recovery. Luckily, this wasn’t hard to do and actually came pretty naturally. I’ve never had friends like this in my life. When you surround yourself with people who have the same goals, for themselves, as you have for yourself, magic happens. I’ve never had people who care, like this, and I’ve certainly never cared for others the way I do now.
I think he was concerned about your sobriety, not a marriage proposal
On a serious note from my own experience we can’t force the issue, as much as I truly believed in my head I should be sober but one day it clicks and it will all make sense again, it might not be as quick as you would like but it will come. Believe. Take care mate.
This is so powerful,I too didn’t use for almost 6 months I thought I had it all A.OK did I f##k I too was just riding the wave ,and I knew deep down that yes I’m not using but every other part of my thinking was the same just about ,I was doing everything that was suggested meetings service ,making new friends but I forgot the most important part SURRENDING MYSELF ,I Take comfort in that I was only bk out using for a short 24 hrs but I take what I’ve learnt very seriously,I feel I’ve definitely shifted and now it’s my choice to move forward with that or do the same shit for another 6 months .thanks for your share
Poor bloke. I feel sorry for you. You fucked up. But you can overcome it. The first drink and drinking/drugging with friends who don’t recognise your problem is pretty dangerous. A lesson I am still trying to teach myself.
You’ll get back there! Pm if you want
It’s not a commitment.
Most of us can only commit to staying sober for a day or two.
But what if, instead of “deciding” to get sober, you made it more of a question? An exploration.
I don’t know about you, but I know absolutely everything there is to know about me getting fucked up. I devoted 25 years of my life to the rigorous research and development of the subject.
I didn’t do it all, but I got close enough and, at the end of the day, no matter what I did, I did it like an addict.
When I finally hit my bottom, I too wasn’t sure I was going to commit to sobriety.
Drinking and using were a part of my identity, my physical makeup, my very essence. It was almost inconceivable. So I simply asked the question : What if I laid off it for “awhile”?
Then the question became “What if I went awhile longer?”
There was nothing left to learn from using but, within the first month, I was already learning a lot from sobriety. So I kept following it and learning more and I swear to you, at every step of the way, there were benefits and rewards for doing so.
I don’t know what’s right for you, but I know learning and changing and growing is right for all human beings. My advice: just explore it. Along the way, you will meet the best version of yourself you’ve ever known.
Thank oyu for putting this out here @Ark. A powerfull post. I guess a lot of people can relate to, at least I can. I was sober for years without even thinking of it as being an effort. it was just a lifestyle, and now I have trouble and it does not yet clcik with me why. Your talking of feeling as failing resonates with me, also I keep thinking what it resulted in “living clean and serene for years led me to being chronically ill and before that I climbed Kili” (hear the addict talking)
I read some good tips here on gaining a different perspective. willpower and fighting is not doing it for me anymore. I long to find new ways to take care of myself and to relate to myself, especially that last part is key for me. How??? Not a clue yet, so far most days are struggles, but I come here, do the praying (in whatever form or shape) work the steps again but also in different way and try to be compassionate.
How are you doing now? Take care!
and sober!
