I try and try again to stop myself but I continue to give in. It is honestly so frustrating and disheartening. I have had a serious porn/masturbation addiction for years now, since I pretty much first discovered it as a young boy. I have held onto it dearly because when I am alone it has comforted me. It has completely altered my brain and destroyed my actual sex life. I am in a loving relationship with my wife but our time in the bedroom has slowed to a complete halt. She has struggled due to her birth control messing with her sex drive but while my drive exists my penis doesn’t understand what to do. I have unfortunately ingrained in my brain that getting up/staying up is something I do when I watch porn. So now I can try with her but never finish. It is embarassing and the issue has gone on for far too long. When we first started dating I had some ED as well but once she started her new job a few years ago it is the worst it has ever been. I have tried stopping this addiction several times in the past 3 months but the longest I have made it is 4 and a half days. And now today I did it again! I have to stop, I want to stop. It isn’t just for my wife…it is for myself. She is everything to me…I wanna raise a family with her. This addiction is eating away at me and makes me feel worse every time I relapse. It is holding me back from enjoying my life and doing better, more productive things with my time. I have found that while sex doesn’t make a relationship, not having it at all can have some serious mental/physical consequences and I can only pray that I can get better…for good.
Thank you!
Glad to be here. 
Welcome man. I too am here for sex addiction and pmo. Let us defeat this terrible confliction together my friend
When I first found out I had an addiction, I too was desperate to stop but couldn’t find the wok. You’re in the right place. Welcome
PMO really is a demon. If we all stay focused and communicate im sure we can beat it.
Yeah its been about 2 years since ive posted here if im not mistaken. Its time to take this seriously.
Thank you for your kind words
Right now, im fighting the urge. It is hitting me really hard right now. But i wont give in
Wow. Yeah it is easy to make excuses and allow yourself to screw up, no matter how long it has been. Just keep fighting…try to distract yourself. I find when I am alone in my thoughts I am at the highest risk. Maybe even take a walk and just get outta the house.
Admittedly, i just relapsed…
But im not taking it as hard as i usually do. I feel light headed, empty and rather numb.
Tomorrow, i will work out and face myself. For now, its time for bed
Have you considered ever talking to your doctor about this? It sounds like this is affecting you life quite a bit. You primary care doctor could help point you to some resources so that you don’t have to face this alone or without help. All docs are pretty comfortable talking about sex, so the conversational will likely be easier than you imagine!! Healthy sexual relationships that are safe, consenting, guilt free, and enjoyable are important for partners and individuals. Reaching out to a doctor may be a next possible step for you 
My wife does suggest at least finding a therapist to talk with. I am not exactly opposed…it is more about the money. It would definitely help to talk with a professional however and perhaps me spending a little extra money towards recovery could motivate me more to keep at it.
I think a therapist would be a great idea. They could help peel away the different layers of this and help you work on the complex feelings you have about it. I’m in the medical field and consul my patients about seeking out therapy for their struggles, yet I drag my own feet about getting help because of money too. (Med student debt is unreal lol) However, anytime I’m decided to talk to a professional, I’ve walked out wondering why I waited so dang long to do it! I pay 20 bucks a visit and it is well worth it! It takes such a toll to carry any unhealthy behavior around each day without support. That’s why AA and NA and other support groups can be so helpful for other addictions - lots of support.
Your doctor can help you find a professional to talk to given both your financial status and your addiction - like who takes your insurance, who meets individually, who is taking new clients, etc. Your doc may not know all of these answers immediately, but they should be able to get them to you after a little research. Think of it like a referral you’d get for any sort of specialist!
Feel free to message my personally 
Have you ever sought therapy from a professional? Is your wife aware of your addiction? If the answers to these questions is “no”, then you are battling a foe alone, and in the dark. Better the odds. Get some help, and then after some success, confide in your bride.
My husband struggled with a porn addiction in the early years of our marriage and has been sober for 10+ years now. It definitely impacted our relationship so I applaud you for recognizing this isn’t just impacting you. It does impact your wife and your relationship with her. The only way my husband got sober was through a 12 step program (he chose Celebrate Recovery), individual therapy and an accountability partner. To this day we have safeguards on all electronics (laptop, phone, tablets, TV) that I am the only one who has the password to. We use Qustodio for the laptop and Ever Accountable for phones/tablets. He still has an accountability partner that he talks to every other week to check in. If you’re willing to do the work & put safeguards in place, I believe you can achieve and maintain sobriety. Wishing you and everyone struggling with this all the best!