So it’s been quite a while since I’ve been on here. Both of the last times I posted was about how much I was trying to get clean from suboxone. I have been an addict for about 8 years or so. Right now I’m almost 2 days with no suboxone and to say the least…fuck…it sucks. One of the hardest parts in 90% of the people in my life have no idea I’m an addict. I’ve done everything I can to keep it hidden so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. My best friend I’ve known since we were kids, I mean he was at the hospital the night I was born, doesn’t fully know. He knows I had a few years hooked on pain pills but he doesn’t know I’ve still been using for years on suboxone. It almost feels like it would be easier to tell everyone because then they would understand the lack of social activity on my part and basically doing nothing but making sure I have my subs. It’s such a fucked up situation honestly. I’m a single parent of 2 children and that makes it even harder to just go through the withdrawals and get it over with. I can’t just lay in bed all day. I have to get up and go to work and take my daughter to school and my son to daycare. Before any of you judge me on the parental side of this, please keep in mind that my children mean the world to me and have NEVER come 2nd to my addiction. If it came between my kids needing something or me being sick, they got it and I was sick. No questions asked. They didn’t ask for their parent to be like this so I refuse to let them suffer because of it. Even on days I have been sick I stuck it out and would still take them to play outside and go to parks and stuff like that. Being a good parent is one thing I can say that I never fucked up. But as far as myself, oh man I have fucked that up more times than I count. Honestly I guess I’m just here to let you guys know that I’m back again and looking for some words of encouragement. In 7 hours I will be 2 days passed taking my last suboxone. I’m sitting up late at night and listening to music because for some reason that has always helped me feel better in times like this. The longest I’ve ever made it in almost 9 years in 12 days. If I can just get to where I feel physically better than for me, that’s most of the battle. The mental want has never been that hard for me. I hate feeling like shit physically so that’s always been the worst part. So once I get passed that, I’ll be on my way to a better life. Honestly I almost felt guilty about coming back here. The fact that the last time I was here I swore that I was done and stopping and yet here I am months later. I guess we all understand that cycle though. I guess I could just use some encouragement from anyone willing to give it at this point…thank you all for listening…
Believe me I’m trying man. I appreciate the helpful words. For real, thank you. It really means alot. This is really the only place in the world I can talk about it since I can’t exactly get a babysitter to go to meetings or anything.
Addiction sucks, and the withdrawals crippled with the mental state sucks worse! Unfortunately the physical and mental state goes hand and hand. You absolutely need to get to a point where mentally, your willing to accept the physical pain to not use. I know this is easier said then done, but you have to! You can do this, your children depend on you.
No judgement here, and I can relate on many levels with your circumstances. You hit the nail on the head. Every day literally gets a little easier, and the next thing you know your 30 days clean. Stick around! Be that role-model for the next person that thinks there is no way out.
Don’t argue with the addiction, just say “No, I’m never using again!” Distract yourself some way. There’s been research and evidence that suggest counting backwards from 10 down to zero, resets your immediate thought process.
We are definitely here for you, if you need us.
I applaud ur efforts man… withdrawal sucks. I’m an opiate addict as well have been for over 20 yrs. Although subox is “better” for u than pain pills, its only the lesser of 2 evils… I’ve been taking sub four past 5 yrs. I have been clean and sober for 62 days today. They’re very hard to quit. But uv been on sub for long enough to forget the pain of opiate withdrawal. Now that’s rough. With sub u really only have mild withdrawal… at least i did… compared to heroin or oxy or even tabs and perks…
U just have to stay strong man… the feelings will pass… keep ur goal in mind… stay clean for ur kids u sound like a great father. Focus on why ur doing this why ur getting clean. Sub withdrawal lasts for about 4 or 5 days… u can do this man. Sleep and rest. Keep the faith brother
Don’t feel bad, no ones perfect everyone messes up that’s what this is for. You got it this time!!! I believe in you!! Good luck 
I’ve thought about it, but I truthfully don’t think it would make much of a difference in thre being helpful aspect of it. Him knowing wouldn’t put me on any better of a position to be able to fight it so I guess that’s why I haven’t. Honestly the only thing it would do is lift a small weight off my shoulders but that weight would only be replaced by a shame feeling so it really just doesn’t seem worth it when I balance it out like that.