I don’t understand why i can’t just not drink. I was good for awhile, developed healthy habits but then i decided to get a bottle of vodka and now i can’t stop. I’m going to die if i keep doing this, i keep hiding it from my husband and the shame of hiding it makes me want to drink more to forget. I’m laying here going through withdrawal and i just want to die.
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Congratulations on taking the first step, and you’re right. The more you reinforce the thoughts that this is a shameful act and that you need to hide it, the more difficult it’ll be to stop.
Have you seen your doctor?
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No, but i have an appointment on Thursday. I’ve never really disclosed to a dr that I’m an alcoholic but i think I’m at a point that i have to.
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I’m just so embarrassed for being weak, i was raised by an alcoholic, i lost my sister to alcohol, i don’t know how i became this shell of a person who i swore id never be.
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!Well no one but yourself can commit you to a life of sobriety.
When I had to disclose I got so scared of judgement and I backed out. This caused my shame and guilt to take a tighter hold due to the fear of the unknown.
Don’t let the fear of what is on the other side scare you, just look at all the success stories here from people who faced that fear and came out on the other side.
Challenge yourself and build that confidence
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Welcome and well down for reaching out.
Please don’t think you are weak, nobody chooses this and seeing a parent and sibling in the same situation hopefully shows you that it’s not.
I also have a brother who struggles with alcohol but chooses not to acknowledge it, I can’t fix/help him unless he is ready but I can help myself.
Being honest with your doctor is a great start but they can only help so much, are you ready to try a meeting, there are many options such as AA, Smart, Refuge, Dharma. It may help you feel less alone in this fight, surrounding myself with sober people has kept me sober and my life has dramatically changed.
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Hey welcome. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. You aren’t weak, it sounds like alcoholism was a learned coping mechanism and you just haven’t learned how to quite stay quit yet. Stick with us. We’ve done it and you can too.
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So many of us do. Be happy you know 100% you can try again tomorrow.
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One phrase that helped me build compassion and empathy for myself to do this was when I was asked:
What would I do for someone who was too sick to help themself?
My answer was:
To get them to the doctor and do whatever was necessary to help them heal.
After I said this, the person than asked me:
Then why won’t you do that for yourself?
Lily you have to get busy or try to your world is just beginning not ending thats how you have to look at it do this 4 U you can do it believe in yourself 
Just told you in the best way thzt they could.