I knew this week was way too good that something had to happen. A day I thought would be great because I hardly see him since we both work a lot. Coming home to him should of been nice but yet again he likes to bring me down. Calling me dumb, that I know nothing about life, anything I do know I learned from him. I don’t know why he thinks he’s soooo much better than me. I am a very independent accomplished woman. We’ve split up before about 4 times and he always came back for me. I was happy alone. Then he tells me that drinking was never a problem that is just me. But won’t explain what? Then he text me to apologize and once I walk in he ask me why I’m crying and we argue all over again. See the thing is I’m hurt because he is suppose to be my rock. Yet he’s my biggest trigger. I almost just turned off my phone and went to the bar and drank all I could. I admit I abuse alcohol but it’s only to escape him…… well I guess I found my reason why I drank. To avoid all this verbal abuse. I’m a very loving caring person I always see the good in people although they hurt me and even when they do I’m always there to help. I guess that’s why I’m so sensitive because I don’t understand how some people can be so cruel even without being under the influence. I’m just glad I was able to go for a walk and cooled off. I did Chug my non-alcoholic beer so glad I did. Made me realize if I would of gone to the bar it would of ended bad. I can’t believe the one person I love the most is the one who made me get this low.
I hope all of you have someone who respects and love you the way you should. Everyone deserves to be happy. Stay strong my sober fam. Love
I’m so sorry you are going through this I used to be in a abusive relationship and I know how hard it is. It’s not the healthiest but I have basically shut my heart out ever since and its been six years now…I do love the growth I have been able to discover within myself on my own. Being without my sons dad brought so much more peace than it did heartache. The journey to healing hasn’t been easy but I do know cutting alcohol has been a big help. Although as an addict of course I still struggle to not block everything out with drinking too. We know that just brings worse shame later…hang in there and remember you are strong enough to put yourself first!!
I just always want to keep my family together. I would feel so guilty to raise another boy without his dad in the same household. My oldest has a great relationship with his dad but I know he wishes his mom and dad lived together. I guess I just felt like a failure the first time since I’m the first one from my family to leave the father of her child. I would hate to do it twice. Ughh I don’t know.
It sounds like he might feel threatened by your success. It’s easier for him to feel comfortable when you’re drunk and blind; in that position he’s clearly in charge, steering the ship (while you’re numb and drunk).
I am speculating but still, one thing is for sure, when one partner gets sober it changes things. It’s good you’re sober - healthy is always better than poisoning yourself - but it changes the communication, it changes the expectations, it elevated everything (because now you’re a fully functioning human) and that is challenging to people when they’ve been used to half-functioning or not functioning for years and years.
It’s good you’re here talking about it. You are not alone, not at all.
You are not a failure. 100% you are not a failure. My mom left my dad and I know she did the right thing. I still have a good relationship with both of them.
You make the choice that keeps you connected and growing in healthy ways. Keep reaching out to your sober friends who can understand you.
Your kids benefit when they have a mom who’s present - but that means emotionally available, and if your relationship is suffocating you, you’re not available to them in the way you could be. So it’s a balancing act. All the people in the family deserve respect. They definitely don’t deserve to hear “you are the problem”. That erases you, and that’s not healthy.
It’s a learning process, but have faith in your kids. They learn a lot from a mom who stands in her space and speaks her voice. They learn courage, the courage to face the unknown, and not hide in the familiar.
Yes! I truly feel that way. Because he once would get drunk and told me how cool the other chick he was with was and treated him like a king ( he could drink everyday, go out without her even caring) I told him then why come back to me I’m not and never will be that type of woman. He even complained how I just always want to do family stuff and spend money. Like sounds to me a marriage and father isn’t what you wanted or we just have different views how it should be. And that’s fine.
He just apologized for viewing me as competition. I always apologize because maybe I did something that made him feel we are in competition.
Maybe he’s upset because I’m making plans to return to school to get another degree so I can do this traveling job.
Thank you for hearing me out. Venting helps me cool off apparently.
This is so beautifully said. Thank you!!! I think I’ll hang on in there until the holidays. Maybe I really need to lay out a plan.
You know… I always think of leaving. But last time I did that his drinking got worse. Would get beat up at bars and well that’s how he got his DWI. I don’t want to see him go down that road again.
He sounds like an unsopportive asshole. Remember that if you stay with him nothing will change. Count the cost of that versus venturing into the unknown.
It does sound like he’s threatened by your self-improvement (sobriety, school).
And your kids will benefit from seeing a strong, sober mom more than having parents under the same roof who are going in different directions.
Aww hun, I’m so sorry he is being so harsh to you and not supporting you! I have been there before and it is heartbreaking! I also did the on again off again thing because we had children together. But ultimately for me (and my kids) it was better that we split. I know the pain you are feeling wanting to keep your family together for the sake of your children, but i had to ask myself, do you want your kids to grow up and stay in a unhappy/unhealthy relationship for the sake of their children? Or leave the bad relationship and protect themselves? Because you are their example. You are strong and amazing and are working so hard on getting yourself to a good place and even telling your family you aren’t drinking! Please don’t let anyone take that away from you! Especially someone who is supposed to love, cherish and support you!!
I’m sending you the biggest hug and all the love i can
We are all here for you! We can’t tell you to stay or go, only what we would do/have done. We are not in your shoes, and whatever you choose, just know that we are here to support you and your journey.
Just please don’t let him be the reason you aren’t getting sober, and please don’t take abuse from him or anyone else. You are too important!
I’m just tired of the back and forward. And I have such a weak spot for him. I always go back. I was once soooo happy. Healthy relationship with a guy that made me completely different woman. I would hardly drink ever. Life was fun. But he kept bothering us stalking us. That the new guy couldn’t take it and well I understood who wants someone crazy drunk ex coming to their house with a gun. He was the one who got away. But that was years ago. Now we back together and im yet again so in love with my fiancé.
My mom says maybe there’s a reason you’ve been engaged for 6 years. And you keep pushing dates back while he always wants to start planing.
I called my mom. I always want to be sure I’m not in the wrong. I always just apologize but being sober i just feel like wait…… I’m doing everything and more to be a better person.
As much as it sounded great to get drunk.
I been sooo happy and proud with myself I don’t want that taken from me. So I won’t. I feel calm no more cravings. Just heart broken.
This is why I stayed with my ex for so long. I even went so far as to marry him. But it didn’t change the fact that he was manipulative, emotionally abusive, always gaslighting me and/or my children and everyone else we knew into thinking I was the problem.
He was also the crazy ex showing up to my house in the middle of the night…
It is a scary and also infuriating time. But please love yourself enough to do what’s best for you and your children. What is best for him may be losing you. Maybe that is the rock bottom he needs to get help…
I believe you said he stopped drinking a while ago (or maybe a different addiction) and you were his biggest cheerleader.
Why can’t he be that for you? ?
Edit to add:
They always apologize after doing what they did, but it rarely changes their behavior. My father apologized to my mom, and I few hundred times, my ex (at 15) apologized after every time he hit me, my ex(husband) apologized about a million times…but the behavior never changed in any of them.
It does sound a lot like we’re telling you what to do, but I promise I’m only saying what I’m saying because of my own experience and I am hoping to spare you from the same trauma. We all love you here
Stay strong my sober fam. Love 
I used to be in a abusive relationship and I know how hard it is. It’s not the healthiest but I have basically shut my heart out ever since and its been six years now…I do love the growth I have been able to discover within myself on my own. Being without my sons dad brought so much more peace than it did heartache. The journey to healing hasn’t been easy but I do know cutting alcohol has been a big help. Although as an addict of course I still struggle to not block everything out with drinking too. We know that just brings worse shame later…hang in there and remember you are strong enough to put yourself first!!
I don’t want to see him go down that road again.
My father apologized to my mom, and I few hundred times, my ex (at 15) apologized after every time he hit me, my ex(husband) apologized about a million times…but the behavior never changed in any of them.