Well I had an entire weekend bender alone and now I’m left feeling nothing but anxiety. I drank an entire six pack of beer to myself after working late. Stayed up until 4 am. Slept a few hours and drank an entire bottle of Smirnoff vodka throughout the day, not one of those skinny bottles either but the handles. Needless to say my behavior was embarrassing and all the more because I couldn’t remember saying or doing those things. I alienated friends and made a complete jerk of myself. So I slept it off. Woke up still drunk so I killed 11 beers from a cheap 12 pack and repeated my behavior from the night before. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. Everytime I do I tell myself I’m never going ti drink again, but once the anxiety and depression fades away, I convince myself I can handle another drink. But it just happens again and again. This morning I woke up feeling the lowest I had ever felt. Of course my first instinct was to delete all social media and send out apology texts in the hopes of erasing my actions, but I still felt and feel like a monster. So I went to the fridge and poured out the last beer into the sink. I want to be better, I know I’m not a bad person I just never make a GOOD decision when alcohol is involved. I wish I could say I want to approach sobriety to make the people around me happy but in all honesty I want to do it for me because I don’t want to be defined by my addictions or past poor decisions. I know there’s a good person in me with so much more to offer than just being a snarky, angry drunk. I hope I’ve found the right place for advice and guidance or at least support.
Starting out too, we got this 
Thank you! 
You found the right place to share your journey and get honest and helpful feedback on the sober journey. You get to pick your rock bottom. Welcome!
Hello and welcome, yep you’ve definitely found yourself in the right place. Loads of people who either do or have felt exactly how you do. Read lots and listen to the ones with long term sobriety they can’t all be wrong. I drank every day for 30 plus years and bc of this place and a few other things I do I’m sober for nearly 2 years. Stick with the winners
Big hugs, I know how awful it is to feel so ashamed and disappointed in yourself. It is totally Ok to want sobriety for yourself. In fact, that is the only way. I knew I was hurting my kids, and that was not enough to quit. I had to really be done for myself. What have you tried to quit so far?
Hi thank you for your supportive words! I too have a child and i can relate to that not being enough to quit. So far my biggest issue is alcohol, it leads to other addictions I also have so I want to start by eliminating that one as the most powerful influence.
Welcome, you’re in a good place friend. You might consider checking out the local meetings of AA, looking for sober places to change to and touching base here often.
You have definitely come to the right place. I decided to quit because I was staying up late every night, drinking by myself every night, feeling lonely, depressed and hopeless regarding my drinking. My anxiety was through the roof. I said no more. All these feelings I have are feelings I don’t want to have. Especially the overwhelming anxiety. I sometimes would only sleep 5hrs. needless to say I was sleep deprived most of the time. I spoke up to my partner and told him about my problem and said I want to get better I don’t want this anymore. I think I may need professional help. He has been supportive since day 1. He knows what I am going through since he has been sober almost 2 years now. I see what sobriety can do in ones life as I see it in him and his daily life. I see it in how I been feeling the past week. I feel great, happy, grateful, optimistic and full of energy. This group has been of lots of support for me. I haven’t gone to AA and I feel this group has given me similar encouragement and support. I have found some great Podcast through this app that have also been beneficial. I hope that you find the same and that this community can be one of the tools you use to get you on your way to sobriety. Wishing you the best.
ODAAT 
