My partner is mad. Again. I don’t do something, they’re mad. I do something, they’re mad. I’ve been trying to form relationships with their family and they’ve been going well, I’ve talked casually with their siblings and parents and joked around with their grandmother, I get invited to family events, I feel like I’m welcomed and approved of. And they’re upset about it. Why? Because their dad has always treated them like shit, and they treat me like I’m “perfect.”somehow I’m too good of a person, too nice, too kind, too fit, too proper, and somehow they see every nice word between me and their father as it proving their dad loves me more than them. They have a lot of trauma around never feeling valued by their parents, and seeing me instantly click with their family upset them, rather than them being happy?? I expected they’d be proud, they’d be glad I was able to fit in and that their family likes me, and somehow I’m just, upsetting them. My family loves them, their family loves me, we love each other, I don’t understand how to combat any of this and I don’t know what I’m meant to do because I can’t just be a bad person to make it seem like they’re an angel in comparison, they’ll hate me. This is the person I want in my life forever, why is it bad that their family likes me. I feel hopeless.
They have a lot of self esteem issues and disorders were working on together but I still feel like there’s just things I can’t understand. I mean, I’m jealous of my siblings because they’ve always been favored by my parents but I don’t understand how I’m “too perfect” or why they’re letting it ruin their whole day that their family loves me, sure I can understand a silent creep of jealousy over anything but, they’re just, angry
This is something they need to fix, not you. Don’t change who you are for this. That said, you can, carefully, hint that is the “honeymoon” phase. People who are petty and mean to others (their kids, other people, etc) will start out nice, they will act like they like you, they will be nice, too lure you in… but eventually they will show their true colors. I’ve seen it time and again. Just like an abusive partner, studies show the abuse usually starts around 6 months… they play nice till then.
Ah our six months is nov 15th
Then shortly, you might be able to see who everyone truly is. I’m hopeful your partner learns to love themselves and forgive the family for not showing them they are worthy of love.
You can’t change others, only yourself and how you respond to others. Good luck!
Thank you! I hope that my showing them they mean something will help them realize they don’t have to force themself to live up to anyones specific standard and that they will be loved by someone always and can just be themself
Hey buddy! This was me with my parents. The doted over my then husband and constantly apologized to him for having to put up with me. They said in jest but it wasn’t really. I was the breadwinner and traveled a lot for work. My family is very misogynistic or was at the time. Led to me having a lot of unfair resentment towards my husband. We eventually divorced. I finally stood up for myself during the divorce, and they apologized and changed. Eventually, your partner will need to do so or it will negatively impact your relationship. Hang in there.
This is on your partner and not you. You are getting pulled into the negative end of their toxic family relationship. This is more a question of if the relationship is worth having to deal with this or not…