Hey all! I love a porn addict he has 5 only fans accounts uses sex chat sites all the porn sites. What is driving him to have so many only fans accounts it’s disturbing actually. He flip flops between them all day. Any advice and what’s could be causing this drive be helpful. I’m hurting and crying all the time. Thanks for Reading my hurt.
4 Likes
Glad to see u posting for support 
I am not familiar with this form of addiction so i cant really comment. But i did want to send u virtual hugs ur way. I hope someone with more experience in this area can help provide u with some insight.
3 Likes
Thank you so much.
1 Like
I’m an alcoholic with a year and four days sobriety. And a struggling sex addict who got some help awhile ago but is currently staying out of relationships until I can safely say I have something great to offer my partner. I will start by saying you cannot change anyone. I will tell you from my perspective I was not capable of being completely honest and empathetic with anyone. I thought I needed to keep my dirty little secret Partially because of my shame and partially Because online relationships gave me a forum to be honest and act out. My first bit of advice is gut counseling for you. My second bit of advice is to tell your partner openly and honestly what it is doing to you and ask him if he would get help from sex addicts anonymous. Right now you can not trust him. I wish you the best. And will do my best to respond to follow up questions
3 Likes
Hi thanks. I appreciate the advice. He’s deep in his porn addiction and on top of it he is on the spectrum which is making this harder. He’s unstable mentally and he’s ill. He has 5 only fans accounts. What is driving this. Sex chat sites can sites. Glad your in a better place and I hope I’m not triggering you.
I don’t know about porn addiction, but many drug addicts/alcoholics abuse their drug of choice (DOC) due to past trauma; could be big T or little t trauma. Because of that, the abuse of their DOC is a symptom, not the cause of their overall issues.
Unfortunately, trying to talk sense to an addict is often a fruitless effort. You really can’t change someone who is not willing to change themselves.
That being said, it’s OK to love and care about someone from afar, especially when being close is detrimental to your own mental and physical health.
4 Likes
I would make it clear that porn is cheating in a relationship, but that is my opinion. Other than that, if you want him to change he will have to do it all himself. Invite him to an actually possible future that would actually be better for both of you if that behavior ceased. Force will not work, he will have to actually want to stop because it is getting in the way of a legitimately more desirable future.
2 Likes
There is a thread where people share their experiences with being in a relationship with someone in addiction. Maybe you can find more help there.
2 Likes
He has 5 because in the mind of a sex and porn addict, 5 is always better than 1. And 10 is always better than 5. And 100 is better than 10. And 1000 is not even enough.
I never settled for one. In my sex addicted world, settling for one meant living a life of deprevation. I was deluded that way. Sex and porn addiction is usually not about wanting better, but about wanting more. I would chose 2 ugly women before setting for the most beautiful woman in the world. More novelty. That’s the Coolidge Effect.
You seem miserable. I know what you want. And I also know that he can’t provide that for you. And people don’t usually change very quickly.
So my question for you is why do you choose to co-create a relationship with a porn addict that doesn’t even want to change? What does this say about you?
4 Likes
IDK if this will be helpful or not, but thought I’d share.
1 Like
Thank you for this information