Hey everyone,
I used to get on this app pretty often in the beginning when I would relapse. I have gotten so embarrassed though I feel like posting so often just made me seem like more of a failure. I’d get so happy to get to 10 days sober, and then next week I’d be posting about how I had a relapse and blah blah blah. I’ve been trying so hard lately, my sober days have gotten longer but in between the benders have become more extreme. Back in 2018 was when I started having more that a few drinks, when I first started bending. And the benders have only gotten longer. 5 days was my last one but they can last up to 15 sometimes. I want this so so bad and I’m tired of making excuses for myself. I promised for the month of August I was going to stay sober for my daughters bday. She turned 3, and on her party I got black out drunk and then continued. I am so so sad, I don’t understand why I do the things I do. I don’t even want to go into detail because it’s so shameful. Anyways I’ve decided to do my first AA Meeting online today like everyone has always suggested in the past. Tomorrow I’ll go to church and then I have a whole lot of homework to make up for. I was journaling last time while I wasn’t drinking and that seemed to help to. So I’ll do that everyday. Try to check back on here to when I can 
Hope everyone is feeling better than I do today. 1.5 days sober.
Thank you for this, it made me smile because you are right. Trying to just pick myself up and keep going. Put your little words of encouragement up by my calendar 
this is a progressive disease and unfortunately it takes hold of you and leaves nothing behind (sucks you dry). I am super impressed with your 1.5 days and going to a on line meeting and church. Being super active here again will also be a plus. The more community and support you can surround yourself with the better.
Try to change up your social environment and routines. Occupy your time with hobbies / activities that will keep you focused on life and well anything else.
This journey is a rough one and can’t be travelled alone - grateful for this community and it’s support as we are all fellow sufferers and know the struggles with addiction.
Much love my friend- i do hope to see more of you on the threads – keep strong and remember that shame and guilt is what the addiction feed upon so keep your head up high and keep fighting for your healthier happier life! 
I remember you, welcome back.
I would suggest coming here everyday, not just when you relapse. Engaging with your sober network is paramount to success, afterall, we cannot do this alone.
What have you got to lose? What have you got to gain?
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Hope to see you around.
Welcome back
Isn’t it crazy how cunning addiction can be.
I’m proud of you for your 1.5 days sober. This isn’t easy
For me, relapsing is a in the moment kind of thing. One minute I’m all about sobriety and my know it all then I wake up and I’m like, I’m going to ingest a poison like THC or alcohol (my drug of choices). The cunningness is just so tricky and tough for me to figure out
Again, i’m proud of you for being here
I’m on day 9 myself done my very first meeting the other night, and they keep saying, keep coming back, it was lovely, hard and emotional but I really am going back next week, love and strength sent to you
I’m so glad you’re back. Quite honestly, I have a feeling this could be it. I know when I finally said “ok, I’ll go to a meeting” it was because I finally reached my bottom. Don’t worry yo much about the past, it’s now gone. Just focus on now and make sure you make the right choices today.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
I hope you are still doing well. I also lost my mom suddenly in april. I resonated with your story alot!
