So I fell off the wagon and now I’m in rehab with almost 5 days under my belt. I’m finding it really difficult this time and literally spend my days pacing the car park (I walked 5.5 hours in a circle yesterday). I’ve attended 2 drug and alcohol groups and intend to do some more group therapy while I’m in here. But so far I’m not in the right head space. I want to be, I know what it’s like to be sober and I loved it. But I can’t get that switch in my head to shut off the want for alcohol. I desperately want to ‘want to stop’ forever, but my brain keeps reverting back to drink.
I think it’s because I’m feeling again, I’m forced to sit with uncomfortable feelings, I’m feeling down, depressed, and where alcohol would temporarily fix these uncomfortable feelings for me (for a while), I now have to own them.
It’s really hard.
Anyway, I know how good I can be sober. I know how much I can get out life, so why can’t I change my mind set?
I’ve learnt about addiction, I’ve read about it, I’ve had classes about it, so I get it. I understand how the brain makes us paths so deeply imbedded that we finally become addicted because that’s what we have been doing for so long.
So why can’t I change my mindset? It’s so frustrating.
Either way, I’m going to stay here until something clicks and my mind tells me I want to quit for life, even though I feel like I’m in a prison here. And I’ll keep pacing the carpark all day if I have to, every day until something changes in my head.
I’ve been here before and it’s really hard, but I’ve done it. I just wish I felt that determination to stop drinking now.
Anyway, it’s almost day 5, so it’s still early days. I know I will get there, it just might take a bit longer in rehab this time. I can’t afford to fall again. I have too many good things in my life worth fighting for.
Thanks for listening to my rant…
Have a good day everyone 
🛼
Hey lovely. I’m glad you’ve been able to get back into rehab, it also sounds like you know it’s the right place for you to be right now… So that is a positive!
In fact even though you’re struggling, there are alot of positives within your post and that tells me that I believe it can happen for you, you just need to keep taking it one day at a time and do whatever you’re told to do in there. Believe in yourself and trust the process. And you’re right, it is still only day 5 for you… us addicts are such damn impatient people. Everything has to happen now damnit! Give me my miracle asap lol
And I think you know yourself by now, you might want to stop drinking forever, but focusing on that time frame is waaaaay overwhelming. Baby steps baby!!!
Could this be what is stopping you from changing your mindset and achieving the “click” - A sober-for-life goal and then with that mentality, knowing you’re going to feel ALL the feels for the rest of your life ? Heck, I’d be running for the hills and resisting aswell! Break things down into smaller goals - take it day by day and nothing more at this stage. Try and focus on the present 24 hours and nothing past that. You can adjust your goals as you get stronger x
Proud of you for doing this, sending you much love 