2 years ago I gave up on abstinence. I was nearly burnt out due to a job that demanded impossible feats and a boss who made me believe I was the reason it went poorly. At that time I believed my only way of escaping the suicidal thoughts and that everlasting depression would be to give in to my addiction. And so I did. I also quit that job. I started feeling a lot better and my addict brain told me it was because I was getting my fix again, but in hindsight, it’s a lot more likely that it was due to quitting that job.
In spite of my addiction, my mental health and life has slowly been on the rise. I found a new job; found a second job working in construction/plumbing/electrician with my dad for a half year; got my drivers license and a car; started an ICT study; joined a “fraternity/sorority”; quit that study; signed up for a psychology study. And that leaves us at the present.
But if life’s on the rise, how come I’m here?
A while back, a coworker told me about her Christian “fraternity/sorority”(Its both for men and women) and thought it would be great for me. I went to an open gathering and loved it. I signed up for school just so I could join it.
After 10 days of hazing this past summer I finally became a member. Thanks to the fraternity I’ve been able to find God again. The last two months or so I’ve even started praying multiple times a day, and the clarity it gives is amazing. Tonight it once again gave me clarity. As I was praying I lamented on how I’m not content with my life. The addiction for the rest of my life thought remains painful. I’d given up on abstinence , feeling it’s impossible, but tonight a resilience came over me. The thought of abstinence seemed impossible no more. So I prayed and prayed for the strength to fight the good fight once more.
I have great doubts in my success, since I am nowhere near rockbottom and willpower has never been one of my strengths. But if I don’t try, I’ll never get out. I’ll never get to enjoy life to its fullest. I’ll never be content with my life.
For those not interested in the wall of text, can’t blame you, but this next part might be more interesting.
Upcoming week I have my first week off in over 1.5 years. During this week I will not game, I won’t watch TV and I won’t watch instagram or YouTube. I’ll prove to myself that abstinence is not impossible.
Wow, I did not know what to write, so I guess I wrote everything I could think off
Anyways, wish me luck!
It’s good to see you! I’m glad that you have found comfort where you have found it. I would expect also interaction with others which is very important also. Your updates sound interesting and encouraging, congratulations on all the good.
Het is nooit te laat om opnieuw te beginnen. Het klinkt alsof je leven al zo positief veranderd is, dit laatste stukje kan je ook en dan ligt de toekomst helemaal aan je voeten. Je kan het!
Hey I’m glad you’re back, I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how your are doing.
I seen to have developed a problematic addiction to social media / scrolling myself, it’s an awful thing. I have set timers on my phone so that the apps time out after a certain amount each day.
At the moment I’m in between studies. I was studying IT, but it was very boring
I’ve signed up for a psychology study, but there’s a very limited amount of people who can join it. So cross your fingers for me
I’m so glad you’re still here F! Yesterday I saw your account had become anon, which made me quite sad, but seeing you’re still around makes me so happy!
Nice to meet you too Marit!
Ik zie dat jij net als ik terugvecht na een terugval? Goed bezig!
Ik hoop van harte dat je de kracht hebt om het door te zetten!
So, so good to see everyone again! So many familiar faces! I’ve really missed y’all!
It’s the dawn of the first day. I’ve been awake for half an hour now. And I’m already struggling
I knew from to get go that this idea of abstinence was a spur of the moment thing and that it would be hard without the proper motivation. Also, I don’t have a clue how I’m going to have to do this without professional help, since the only other time I achieved abstinence was started by 10 weeks of rehab.
Despite all that, I won’t falter… yet. I’ll have to find some things to distract me. Perhaps podcasts, but I’m not sure yet whether I’ll allow those or not. My room is a dump, I could clean that. There’s plenty of things to do about which I’ve been complaining that addiction keeps me from doing it, so I guess now’s my chance!
I’ll be honest, your post scares me. When this addiction, a dopamine addiction, fully blossoms, it won’t stop at just social media or scrolling. It will turn every single hobby you have into an addiction, anything for just a bit of dopamine. So please, be very wary. I’d hate for you to have to overcome another addiction.
Hey Jan! It’s good to see you posting again and I’m happy to hear things in your life are moving up. You’ve made such progress and there’s plenty to be proud of. I’m confident you can do whatever you put your mind to, including kicking the shackles of addiction.
