This drug has such a grip on me. I hate it with every ounce of my being, but it’s almost like an invisible force that pulls me back to it whenever I’m having a hard day.
I want nothing more in this world than to just not want it anymore. I just feel like I’ll never be able to conquer this. I just feel so weak and helpless. I want to be stronger but my addict brain just puts me in autopilot and takes over. I’m so done with it but I just feel like I’ll never defeat it.
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Just keep trying. Try a few hours at a time…just stay sober for today. They’ll start adding up. Addiction is so tough. But you can live a better life. ODAAT 
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That’s all I want is a good life. I just hate how deep this things claws have on me.
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Hi,
There are many people here who felt exactly as you do now, myself included. We no longer are under the control of our drugs of choice. We’re no worse or better than you are. So there really is hope, there really is a way out. You can have it too.
@Davina_Davis made good points, in the beginning it’s a minute or an hour at a time. Time went so slowly, and I was so sick on my Day 1. All I could do was hold on to every word here, every hand that was extended to me. I wanted to get sober more than anything, it was killing me and sucking every bit of joy out of my life. I moved in, I lived here. If I wasn’t asleep or covering the basics of life I was here. There is AA and N.A., Rational recovery, et al —many in-person groups for more support too.
My life today at nearly 4 months sober is coming together. I’m a totally different person. I’m starting to feel joy again. Things are possible again. And I don’t want alcohol at all. It was not easy and I will always have to maintain my recovery. Good thing is, my life will keep improving in sobriety. The people here helped me begin. Have a look around the site— there is virtually unlimited information and support.
Welcome. Yes, you can escape addiction. I’m really glad you’re here today.
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We’ve all been there my friend. May I ask, what are you doing to help yourself. What plans do you have to resolve this?
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I just got out of treatment a month ago and I felt so confident when I was leaving. But the moment I felt overwhelmed or stressed I reverted back to old habits.
I learnt a lot of helpful tools when in there and I’ve been trying to implement them but my addict brain just sends me in the opposite direction.
I was told in treatment that this is the only disease that talks to you in your own voice. And that’s so true
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Ok, going to treatment is an awesome first step! Presumably you were sober during treatment? So your body probably rid itself of physiological addiction.
When you got out, you then only had to deal with your mind at that point. You talk about the addict brain and stress but our brains are still healing through PAWS. The other thing to consider is wrong or incorrect thinking (thoughts) that leads to yuck or incorrect feelings which you accept as true and also accept as true that you must drink…which of course is a fallacy. But your brain belives you need it…which of course you don’t.
Don’t let the relapse ruin your good work. Instead, double down on techniques to actively change and challenge your thoughts.
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99% of our decisions are made by the subconscious mind. That includes our choice to use. When it came to my chronic relapsing, it was always my subconscious fleshly self working against me, undermining and sabotaging my conscious efforts to stop.
I’ve realized that my addiction wasn’t the problem. I had it backwards. Instead, I had bigger problems deeply rooted within me, and my relapsing was just a symptom. Until I was able to expose and address those problems, with the help of God, I was going to keep on relapsing.
I’ve never been to rehab, but I’ve been to a lot of support groups and counseling. And they did a lot to address some of my problems. However, I had more problems. It’s why I believe some successfully recover using traditional methods and while others continue to relapse.
I don’t think many of us like relapsing. I genuinely believe we consciously want to stop. But I see relapse as a key to determining what more God wants to teach me. For if I never relapsed, I would never consider there to be any further problems within me. If it works, don’t fix it.
I’ve relapsed thousands of times. And I felt defeated so much. Wondering why I couldn’t get it. Wondering if I was ever going to get it. I now see those relapses as a gifts, leading me discover what God wanted to reveal to me. Things such as my faulty paradigm, my toxic shame, brainwashing.
I’m not going to suggest any magic formula to quickly stop relapsing. But I can assure you that this journey, no matter how long it takes, is completely worth it. Never give up. You seek sobriety, and thus, you seek a good thing. Keep seeking, asking God to reveal any deep rooted problems within you, and you’ll be likely to learn something enlightening about yourself
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Maybe try new tools change your mind set ,try meetings make the effort and it will work if you want it wish you well
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I won’t ever conquer addiction either. It’s a lifelong disease that I have to work at daily. If for one second I think I’m cured, then I better get my ass in a chair at a meeting. With a lot of hard recovery work, the obsession has been lifted but I have a lot more to do on my thinking.
I commend you for going to rehab but that’s only a start. You got the foundation built, now work a program to build the rest.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
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Hi @Jedi_Mind_Trikz hope your still reading this thread fair shout for going to rehab that’s all well and good but they have to let you out into the real world and your fucked without anyone but your own mind and your using crew .cocaine like any other mind altering substance is a soul sucking bastard as you obviously know. I’ve had my time with Coke 
It takes s fucking months wages off you in a few days then leaves you with no will to live just a numb face a banging head and permanent flu symptoms .if you want my advice delete every number you have now RIGHT NOW when they ask why your not phoning anymore you tell them ,then you find out when the next cocaine anonymous meeting is do that Tonight! Then you go you sit your ass in the chair and you stay with the people who are wanting to beat it just like you you’ll get given numbers you’ll gain friends ,Then when you have a bad day and you wanna talk shit at people you don’t have ten lines to do it ! You phone them and they will help you through your cravings and it WILL work if you put the effort into it as much as you put the effort into picking up 
good luck stay close to ts
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