What’s up ?
What’s going on Zach? Talk to us. If you have thoughts of picking up, play that tape all the way through in your head. It never ends well.
Btw…curious to know what “ce” means in your title.
Don’t give up man…
Breathe, breathe in the air.
Don’t be afraid to care.
Leave but don’t leave me.
Look around and choose your own ground.
Are you okay?
Nope. You’re not going to the dark side of the moon.
You’re frustrated. You’re stuck in a pattern of use, regret, use, regret, use, regret. It’s the alcoholic pattern.
It can change, you can change, but you have to change something first. As the old expression goes, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Like you, I have Type 1 Diabetes (you shared about that here: Type 1 and a alcoholic). I’m not an alcoholic, but I know how diabetes can be a heavy thing to live with at times. It’s labour: it takes work. And an addiction - whether it’s alcohol or any other addiction - creates chaos in life, that makes diabetes basically impossible to manage. Blood sugars all over the place. Mood and mind all over the place (because of blood sugar chaos).
You are a business owner. (You shared about that in the same thread I linked above.) Business ownership has its own set of challenges, but it also has its own opportunities. But like diabetes - like anything really - the chaos of addiction is bad for business.
You are still stuck because you haven’t really decided to be sober. What you need to do is pretty simple: you need to choose sobriety, and you need it to be your top priority. Ask yourself, what would I do if sobriety - stability and health - was my top priority? My absolute top priority?
Would I go to inpatient rehab? Would I attend a recovery program (AA or any other recovery program - there are many) and go daily? Go multiple times a day if I have to? Would I check in daily here on Talking Sober and share about my experience, my day, and my feelings? Would I meditate / pray / etc etc something to develop my heart, my spirit? Would I stop trying to control everything in my life, and learn to ask for help, and just have faith in the process? (the process of learning, the process that there is a program that works if you work it, the process that I don’t know everything and I can’t control everything and I never will; the process that I need to take life one day at a time, with a learning attitude) (Edit to add another one: would I get a psychiatric assessment to see if I have depression or another mental condition, which are much more common in people with addiction, and then get an effective treatment for it?)
You got some good advice on your thread here:
You need to make a choice. Sobriety is yours if you want it. Choose it. If you make the choice and take action and stick with it, you’ll get there.
Couldn’t have been said any better.
We will always be here for you.
Believe me brother it is possible I’m the definition of a Lost cause I couldn’t stop drinking for the life of me LITERALLY! I did anything to get that next drink I was fucked up to my family not a good dad it was bad I thought I could never live without alcohol tbh I loved alcohol but it’s caused me more sadness hurt anger than anything else I lived like this for 15 years but somehow some way I got actually 2 months sober AF(Alcohol Free) today so just step back think don’t give up figure out a way to maintain figure out a way to want to stop drinking I know you will be alright 
“My worst day sober is better than my best day drinking” remind yourself of that. I tell myself that everyday 
You have a lot of people reaching out to you here.it’s a bad day, it’s hard but it will pass. You don’t want to look back at today with regret of a relapse. Reach out you have ppl here
Relapse ain’t even the concept yet. Hell I can’t quit.
Yes you can. If you choose it.
Is treatment an option?
Why are you here then? You’re reaching out, but you also seem to want it to be on your terms and are trying to appear as if your refusal is something you can’t work to change… You’re forcing your illusion of control here. It’s not working for anyone though.
You’re punching the tides doing this. You’re not gonna get to the moon this way sir. I hope for your own sake you’re in a safe place.
You are able to work to become stronger than your addictions; are you afraid you’re not stronger than your fear to feel uncomfortable for a while?
Hearing our sober thoughts is eerie and awkward sometimes. They’re not there forever though. You’re the boss of you. I hope you’re able to be okay.
This negative talk is not helping you. Sobriety takes a lot of hard work. Ask yourself, do you want it bad enough and what are you willing to do? For me, the answer was anything because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Off to outpatient detox I went, followed by IOP and AA. At this point, you have take action and be willing to try anything to get off the merry-go-round.
I remember feeling this way. This brought back some memories for me.
I knew I had a problem. I tried my hardest to hide it from everyone. I had an opportunity of a lifetime fall into my lap. I knew I had to quit if I was going to succeed at the opportunity.
I remember being terrified of stopping. I went on “good” behavior for a while. It just kept getting worse from there. I had to flirt with death a few more times before I figured it out. I never reached out.
I’ve escaped that lifestyle. I hope you can too.
I’ve been there many times.
That’s the easy way out.
If I can’t do it, I don’t have to try, right?
I can’t swim, so I don’t have to try to learn.
I can’t ride a bike, so I don’t have to try to learn.
I can’t climb that mountain, so I don’t even need to start walking up the trail.
If you say you can’t do it, it lets you not do it, and still preserve your pride, your sense of self-respect. I haven’t failed, because I didn’t try.
Where did you learn that failure was so risky, that it was better not to try? Who taught you to fear failure so much? Who taught you to feel that you had to be perfect in order to matter?
Who taught you that you couldn’t have any compassion for yourself?
I suspect the answer to that question will help you understand yourself a bit better. It might also help you open the door to self-acceptance, and progress in recovery.
Failure is part of life. Mistakes are part of life. Stumbles, falling down, is part of learning. You have to accept your imperfections, you have to look at yourself with compassion. With compassion, we learn and we grow. Without compassion, we live in fear, and we hide in a corner, because we’re paralyzed by the fear of being not good enough, we’re paralyzed by the thought, “What if I fail? What if I’m worthless?”
If we hide in the corner, if we hide in the nest, we never learn to fly. Come out of the nest Zach. Stop hiding in fear. You’re not worthless. and you are good enough. Come spread your wings and fly.
You can take the first steps to get yourself out of this drinking insanity cycle. You just can’t get caught up in self-pity, you need to find motivation to take the first step towards a better life and a better future.
Bro. Everyone reaching out right now has probably said exactly the same words at some point. But here we are. You had some good days in here. Talk to us, how you doing?
Don’t wanna drink today, just “play the tape to the end.” What happens if you pick up? Remember these?
Not meant to shame or anything. But at some point we gotta look in the mirror and say, enough is enough. At least if ya don’t drink today, this kinda stuff doesn’t have to happen anymore.
Then what happens instead is totally up to you. But at least you can stand up straight for yourself, and for your family, if just for today. And that’s a start, right?
I never quit drinking forever. I just don’t drink for today.