Glad you’re here reaching out for support, that is a great first step in the right direction and this is a perfect place to find not just support but also resources to help along the way!
I can definitely relate to what you said about being sick of feeling like a disappointment, of pretending to be ok, of being sick, and of the sneaking shady behavior! Getting sober won’t be a “cure all”, but it will certainly help alleviate those symptoms. There is a lot of work that needs to be done surrounding behaviors and thought patterns when it comes to addiction, but it’s well worth the effort.
This forum is a great place to build connections with others who are also dealing with addiction and trying to walk the path of sobriety! There are also other group settings that you can find support networks like AA, Smart Recovery, and Recovery Dharma!
The link below will take you to a great thread here on TS that is a great place to “check in”. I’ve only recently started checking in on a daily basis, but it’s already something I know will be useful for my sober journey! As someone who needs accountability, it’s perfect to have in my sober toolbox. A lot of encouragement and support to be found there!
https://talkingsober.com/t/checking-in-daily-to-maintain-focus-83/204169
Like I said before, I’m glad you’re here! There are plenty of people here who are willing to listen and provide their experiences. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need additional support! 
