Today was agonizing TW I’m not even sure what to put other then talks of extreme addiction.
This isn’t about Daniel but I just needed support and to vent.
I was on TikTok earlier as another one of my videos telling mine and Daniels story went viral on there. After responding to people I began going through TikTok just skimming videos, as I was doing that I came upon one that stopped me in my tracks. What grabbed me immediately was the shocking nature of the video, as it showed drug paraphernalia right in the open and was very clearly not a video trying to bring awareness. In the video was a man “punking” another man into drinking the water out of a meth bong. It showed the meth, bong and everything else that goes along with that. You could also clearly hear the women in the background, openly talking about how their men shoot up in their “discreet areas”. There were dirty needles all over the table tops. The home around them, literally looked condemned. Unlivable.
As I sat watching with such a deep sadness in me for these people who were so clearly steeped in the throes of addiction, I shockingly realized I recognized the voice of the person filming the video. Then full blown realization knocked the wind out of me as it dawned on me, who’s voice it was… It was my daddy filming the video and it was my fathers girlfriend talking about my dad shooting up in such a horrific place. It was my father, punking a man who appeared well into his 70’s into drinking meth bong water…
My father isn’t my friend on TikTok and I haven’t seen him for well over 7 years, the account it was posted on had a weird name so I had no idea at first. But when it hit me, it broke my heart💔 People in the comments were making fun of him, laughing at him and calling him every name you could imagine. Yet all I could think is “that’s my daddy. Why is he living like this. He needs help!!” I’ve been crying off and on since.
Crying for him. For all he’s lost. For what has become now so normal to him, that he makes a TikTok video not realizing how shocking it is. For his swollen track mark hands, I seen in the video. For all he could of been, for all he should have been. For humanity. I hate addiction and how it makes a mockery of us.
I’m glad that you were able to escape that. You saved yourself.
I hope if your father ever sees one of your TikTok’s that he would have a huge amount of pride for you that you did escape.
I really think that a lot of addicts want out, but that it feels like an impossibility for it ever to be real for them so they don’t ever try.
People like you give inspiration to others that perhaps they can work hard and get themselves away from the DOC.
Also, how real it is and that deaths can and do happen, like your husband died.
Sorry that out of the blue you ran into your father like this. It must hurt a whole lot and as you said what all he has given up and gave up for a drug. And now it’s on TikTok.
I can’t imagine How you feel and the shock It was and still is. Before I opened the app I was thinking about my dad. He wasn’t into any addictions but he passed away 10 months ago. In my grief I often telling to myself I’ve done my best. And this morning I was thinking that we could have had a better relationship…but I think he wasn’t able to …because of his own story.
What I’m trying to Say IS that you are dont your best and you surely know It. Maybe you are asking yourself why it’s happening and why this vidéo on your fyp. I believe that it’s maybe a sign of something in your journey…sending love
Yes, I believe when he gets sober he realizes all he’s lost and all he’s done and he’s not able to deal with that reality so he just stays seeped in it. It’s tragic. Like this man was once my hero and he now just exists in some condemned home with fingers stained from clearly handling h*roin. Such a void in his eyes. The laughing joke for a society that doesn’t understand what unabashed addiction truly is. Yet he embodies it wholly. God it’s devastating!! All I wrote on it was “this makes me so sad dad, I love you “
Idk if he’ll see it or not
I’m sorry as a daughter you had to see this, it’s so sad what we think is normal when we are fucked up.
I always ran and hid from cameras/video because I hated been filmed, I think subconsciously I didn’t want anyone to see what I was really like.
I hope for everyone’s sake the video gets removed but in this day and age maybe it won’t
I hid as well It’s been up for two months! I can’t believe they didn’t remove it! It is very brutal raw addiction being shown and they didn’t remove it
I am so sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience shocking you out of nowwhere. I can not even imagine going through something like that.
I am very glad that you somehow managed to escape this kind of life. You are officialy my superhero of the day
The strength, the courage, the determination, the pain, and tears you had to muster to do that is more than all the Marvel Universe could ever come up with. Saving one human life means saving the whole universe. And that is what you are doing.
And you are right: There are no words for what you have experienced and seen as there are no words to describe deep human suffering. But somewhat you managed to convey it in this post, with your words. And in all the ways you share your stories here you always manage to do so. So apart from being a superhero you also are an artist
Sending you love and hope
TW I’m not even sure what to put other then talks of extreme addiction.
and it was my fathers girlfriend talking about my dad shooting up in such a horrific place. It was my father, punking a man who appeared well into his 70’s into drinking meth bong water…
It’s been up for two months! I can’t believe they didn’t remove it! It is very brutal raw addiction being shown and they didn’t remove it 
