(Preface)
I began drinking in high school but it was just a social thing until 2007 when I got with this girl who was already an alcoholic at 20. We drank excessively for the year and a half we were together, and when we broke up I didn’t really slow down. I nearly drank myself to death in 2009 after we broke up, and I sobered up completely for 3 months, which is the longest time I’ve been sober since I started drinking. During those three months I started smoking pot and stuck with that for 5 years, and only drank occasionally. I was still smoking regularly when I started dating my (now)wife in 2014. I knew I needed to get a real job if I was going to keep her, so I quit smoking pot and started a municipal job with parks and recreation. I have come a long way in the 6.5 years I’ve been in this career, but I work with a bunch of functional alcoholics and I have become one of them. I’m not nearly as intense as most of them, I stick to beer and rarely have more than a 6 pack, but that’s an almost daily occurrence. I have struggled with accepting it’s something I can’t control but I’ve been using this app and another one for two weeks, and it’s become blatantly obvious that I have a problem. I want to think I can be responsible enough to enjoy a craft beer every now and then, and when I’m in a social setting I can keep it together well, it’s just when I’m alone the first tool I reach for when bored/stressed/frustrated/depressed is alcohol. I am realizing I can’t trust myself to not drink, so how do y’all cope when you have to pass 4 beer stores on your 1.5 mile commute home? I can intend to not drink all day, but I find myself pulling into the beer store parking lot in spite of all my intentions. Anyway,
I relate with this big time. I wasnt sure how I was going to “give up” drinking beer with the guys, a cold fall craft beer, shooters before social events, etc.
Turned out I didnt give anything up, I GAINED control of my life and time on this earth.
It looks like you’ve already started. There are going to be some deeply rooted thought patterns that are going to have to be torn down. This can take some time and effort.
Above was just my experience. It seems like for you, you are starting to aquire the knowledge that will allow you to answer that question. "Am I an alcoholic?:
I started where I was, in jail again. No matter the external conditions, I knew in my heart that I was really done. But it took me almost 20 years from my first attempt to quit at 27 until I got sober. But that night in jail I knew I was done. It became my mission to get to bed sober each night no matter what. Along the way, I used Antabuse and counseling and AA and intensive outpatient treatment.
Only you can look within yourself and answer the question " Are you done yet.". If the answer is Yes, nothing can stop you. When my answer was No, nothing could help me.
Your doing good taking the facts and presenting your case, its now about how serious you believe the first step into your recovery, if your willing to make sobriety something, that you work towards. Alot of excuses and liquor stores that i pass and deal with too but im accountable for my actions now that ive been working a program to address my alcoholism and substance abuse problems. A whole slew of other problems i have but i exacerbate them more by letting outside influences, people places and things control my emotions and actions. Just take it easy one day at a time youll find yourself and where you need to go for the guidance your here now this is a great place for suggestions. .
Yes, for many reasons, the main ones being my wife and my son. I want to be here as long as I can for the both of them, and I don’t want my son to know me as a drinker. Fortunately he’s not quite two, so if I start now, he won’t have memory of this old version of me.
Make a commitment to sobriety and from then on
1, stop reasoning, just stick with sobriety, even if your brain convinces you that you can handle a few drinks now and then. Make ‘no drinking’ your unquestionable, unnegotiable rule.
2, make practical steps (watch out for HALT, distract yourself, plan ahead, go to meetings, read here, listen to podcasts, etc.)
3, make yourself accountable either here and/or in real life (by telling your spouse, friends, that you don’t drink)
4, save your post so you can re-read that if you’ll need that later on.
You just did. By asking the question, thats the start. Making it to the next step is simple, don’t drink. It’s simple, but it is hard. You can get through it by taking it minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.
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