You’re managing fine with posting here. Maybe it’s an idea to read around a bit. This one is a good place to start:
We can’t do it alone Mandy. We need help. From our fellows, people with the same problems as we do. You can find us here, and in real life too, in meetings like AA or SMART. Maybe you need professional help too, I don’t know. Be sure there’s absolutely no shame in that. Can’t do it alone. Nobody can.