Oh man are you right about that. The funniest thing is that I know all of this and for some reason it’s so simple to cave at the slightest convincing
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Next time you have the urge, come on here. We are all in this together and have people in every time zone. Also, “roll the tape.” Meaning, go back and look at the footage of the process before, during, and how terrible you felt after. Then, just go to bed for just that night. In the morning you will thank yourself.
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I have been really into running and was sober for almost 4 years. I got injured and ended up taking almost a year to get better and ended up starting to drink again. so now I am back at running and working up my strength again.
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Don’t feel stupid or down. I’ve done this plenty of times… it’s a never a smooth road , there will be road bumps but you will lock in eventually and feel amazing!
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Many here turned to physical fitness to help get sober. Have you thought about adding something, ro help, to augment your sobriety…
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I fell in love running the last time I got sober. Ran a few half marathons and 1 full marathon. I’ve just been getting back into it after a long time healing from some tear in my calf muscle. It was very painful and took a long time heal. Now I’m just working up my strength to what it used to be. I’m pretty sure it took longer then it should have due to me staring to drink after a few years of sobriety. Alcohol really destroys motivation and self esteem
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I get all that. You start running and get sober again. What happens if you get hurt again?
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I’m hoping this time will be different. I have been using the journal section of this app and trying to get into coming to this chat community every day. Even if it is just to read people’s posts. I also have been listening to a podcast called Recovery Elevator where people tell their stories. I’ve tired AA but the meetings in my town are either while I’m at work or during times where I am driving my 4 kids to and from dance practice and gymnastics. They all are soo busy and I am the chauffeur 
the podcasts and this community have been a real blessing. White knuckling can take you far but it can also feel quite lonely. That’s what I did the last time and it starts to wear on you as the people around you feel like they can’t invite you anywhere due to this problem I have.