It all makes sense.
What I read is: you love your wife and kids.
You’re afraid AA is not going to provide enough of a stimulus because you know it and it didn’t get you sober in the past.
What I don’t read is what you wanna do. You seem lost. Also pretty normal.
Good news is you have more than AA. There’s a whole wealth of Resources for our recovery out there. I did it without AA and many on here also. But I did surround myself w recovery 24/7, I did read and learn and listen and engage as much as I could and still am here daily. I went to therapy to face what caused me such pains and I worked on myself.
You will have to do the Work. You can do it in AA or out of AA, they only provide one possible framework. There are others. But effort and dedication and engagement w yourself and others are non-negotiable. It took you a long time to walk into your forest, it’ll take you time and effort to come out of it.
Best of luck.