I am currently about 4 and a half months sober off opiates. I’m 30 years old and before this I had been using since I was 15. So sobriety is very new to me in general. It’s wonderful, but I’m kind of learning how to be a human again. When I got clean, I KNEW I was never using again. So that’s not a concern of mine right now. But I guess I just imagined sobriety differently. I know I’m still early in the process, and maybe I was naive, but before I got sober, when I imagined sobriety, I imagined myself full of motivation and being able to do all the things I haven’t been able to do for years immediately. That’s not what’s happening though. The first few months are just about survival. Get through this next day, this next week, maybe the symptoms won’t be as bad then. Once you’re through that, you’re still raw. You’re emotional as hell. Your brain is still healing and figuring out how to work correctly without the substance it relied on so heavily for so long. But I hit that 90 days and I thought all that was over with. I kinda assumed I could go back to normal life. But most days right now… it’s hard as hell to even get out of bed. I’m so damn tired all the time. I don’t feel depressed. But I’m living like a depressed person. It’s hard to even shower regularly. I just have zero motivation to do anything. I’ll have random bursts and I’ll get these big projects done, and that feels amazing. But then I’ll have another like four days or something where I hardly leave my bed at all except to take care of my animals. It’s hard to feel like I’m failing so hard when I expected so much out of myself. My counselor says this is all very normal and I need to give myself some grace. But I guess I want to know if any of you also experienced this?
What your counselor said is spot on. I was thinking “give yourself some grace” before I happened upon that comment in your writing. It’s absolutely true! These things take time. If my experience almost 9 months alcohol free has taught me, it’s patience. Sobriety fatigue is also very real and normal. Your body and mind are getting a chance to rest, and recovery at every level simply takes time which nature demands. It’s also important not to overdo it, imho. Slow and steady, moving through milestones and forming new, healthier routines and habits. Your mind is already in the right place setting goals and pursuing your desire for sobriety. Great job and one day at a time!
You are just dealing with PAWS. Very normal , it takes time, but you are gonna feel up and down for a while. But hey, in active addiction we also had up and down days/weeks, so don’t let your addiction romanticize those days.
Keep going slow and steady. Everyone’s recovery is different. It took me about 6 months before I started to notice things were getting a lot better, less fatigue, more motivation, etc.
Exercise, hike, get some sun, journal, go to meetings, take supplements you may need, eat healthy, and force yourself to get out and do things. Sometimes we can be clean and isolate just as much as we did in active addiction. It’s not a simple process, but you’ll get there. Don’t give up now
Whats happening is normal. There will be good days and sometimes not so great days. Sobriety is a life long journey, and it’s not always the easiest. You do go through a lot of changes, but you realize that some things aren’t what you expected. You begin to figure out who you are and what you want as you continue sobriety. Maybe for some people there is a complete change overnight, but that was not my experience. I could tell you all the things I have done in the past 7 years since accepting sobriety, but that’s not important. It’s what I choose to do going forward that counts the most, and I am sure a lot of people will agree with this. Success isn’t built overnight, but a day at a time. You’re on the right track to being a success, stay with it! It does get better.
You are still healing. Recovery has no finish line or magic wand to change the way you feel. Try and be kind to yourself. That first year is healing. Dig deep and invest in finding new coping strategies and community. Those helped get me out of my head and lift my spirits. Nows the time to take positive action
Thank you, that’s actually so encouraging to hear. I had read so much stuff saying after 90 days it’s “back to normal life” and that’s just not what I’m experiencing at all, which lead me to feel like I was failing somehow. Thank you for being so kind
Thank you so much! Life is already so much brighter and better being sober. I guess I need to stop comparing myself to others and just listen to my body. Thanks for the great advice and encouragement
There is no normal when you’ve been using so long, so there is nothing to “go back to normal”.
The hard truth is, we need to learn how to live a responsible, sober, adult life from scratch. Which gives plenty of opportunities to discover who we really are, what we really like, how we manage life in a healthy way. This process takes time, years, not months.
From my personal experience I can say it’s worth keeping going and being kind to yourself. Little changes add up, babysteps get you a long way.
Just keep going
