Hi, she’s 13 on Wednesday. I’m so upset, I’ve messed everything up
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Your not well Sarah, ive been where u are, i understand, it may not seem like it at the moment but none of this is unsolvable. I think for now get back to basics and focus on those…have you eaten anything? Are u hydrated?Does your arm and leg need any professional attention? Maybe make an appointment with your doctor to discuss where you are…where you in touch with anyone with regards to your sobriety?xx
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My cuts look bad but they are ok, I’ve got plasters on. I’ve had half a chocolate biscuit and water and tea.
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I had started at AA but haven’t been for a couple of weeks. I met a lovely lady there who has texted me asking me to to another meeting with her but I haven’t replied
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Reply to the nice lady when u feel ready to, try and eat a little more, get some b vitamins b12 in particular, drink more non caffeinated drinks to hydrate, milk thistle is good to support your liver xx
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I’ve eaten a crumpet and messaged the lovely AA lady. I’ve also messaged my partner apologising but he’s not replying.
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I have been exactly where you are. Many of us in here have. You are not worthless. Many out there dont even realise they have a problem. You do. Your only problem is that you dont know how the cycle of addiction works so you can get out.
There is a lot of info in here and in the net. Feel free to ask for help.
Noone deserves to be so low. Neither do you.
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One of my worst bottoms was being completely drunk on my daughter’s 14th birthday which also happened to be Mother’s Day. I had no gift and no food for her and my son, and they had to take my keys away from me when I tried to drive to grocery store.
Let this be your bottom. Please. Consider rehab, or at the very least, I’d get myself into inpatient and consume myself with all things recovery. AA was a part of my path as well. That feeling of worthlessness is something my HP and the fellowship of AA and this community had to help me with, as I was so broken at my bottom, the only thing I could do was be willing to keep showing up. You are loved more than you could imagine.
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Youve apologised thats the first step in that part of the situation…you might find that its going to take time and action on your part for him to come around i know it did with alot of people close to me, for now you need to focus on u (an obv your daughter)… have your sobriety and your wellbeing as your absolute top priorities…any people, places and things that jeopardise that are out for now
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I can totally understand why he wouldn’t want to be with an alcoholic with a gambling problem who self harms.
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Blondie,
IMHO, The feeling of worthlessness is a trap that keeps us drinking. I posted this morning about the past. In my own past I was betrayed by people I loved and it too made me feel worthless. Even when they doubled down in their actions!
The truth is your not worthless. Your HP loves you and the forces set in motion against your HP want you feeling like your worthless. Why? Because you stop being a threat to them. It’s like defanging a cobra.
I am glad your here and are strong enough to admit you made a mistake. You now have some experience! Let’s get better together! Okay?
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You might have issues you need to deal with as we all do but thats not all you are Sarah and i think you know that
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We are all here for you all on a journey, good days bad days and we must take each day at a time 
even when we fall, we will get back up x
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One of the capital ways to combat the feeling of worthlessness is working the Steps. When we feel like we don’t amount to much of anything it’s way easier to validate our drinking. Digging into character defects and getting resentments down on paper can be a very powerful step towards feeling better, in general.
We have a “thinking problem” as alcoholics. How we think about ourselves and the world is very different from others.
I could be wrong, but I have come to believe that drinkers and addicts are very powerful people, spiritually. That being the case we are targeted, by the Enemy, with very powerful burdens. This burden is unique in that it convinces us we don’t have it. It’s sometimes subtle and has roots that go down deep in our lives. It’s goal is that bitter sting of worthlessness that you feel. We all know, and I believe you do as well, that you are not worthless at all!
Consider this! The Enemy must fear us greatly, so it’s imperative we connect with our spirituality.
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I’m about to have a talk with my daughter about Saturday night when I cut myself and was screaming (I have no recollection of this) I’m not sure what she saw and how much I tell her? She knows I’ve got an issue with drinking but not how bad and she has no idea about the self harm. She’s nearly 13
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I dont have much experience with self harm or how to speak to your 13 year old about it but im sure ul do the best you can, i told my daughter when i had my alcohol fueled breakdown that my brain was feeling really poorly and that the drs had given me some meds to put it right…she didnt know it was because of drinking but i suspect one day il have to explain it to her, hope ur ok Sarah…let us know how it went if you feel comfortable enough to share xx
I spoke to her and was just honest. It turns out she knew I’d cut myself on Saturday so she wasn’t surprised, I told her I wasn’t well but I was trying to get better. She seems ok , she’s very resilient so hopefully I haven’t traumatised her. I’m just about to go into an AA meeting where I’m meeting the nice lady 
still dreading the conversation with my partner when I get home but I really really want to heal myself xx
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Thats good…thats one issue dealt with do you feel a little better for talking with her? im so pleased you are going to a meeting with the nice lady! Good on u!..whatever happens with your partner just remember that we are all here for you ok xx
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It sounds like youre making the right moves. That cant have been an easy conversation with your daughter so well done on facing it.
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