Ive hit 60 days a while back, i keep loading myself with more and more work to keep my mind off drinking and blow, but i feel like its a noose getting tighter around me neck, the longer i go, the more ppl say how proud they are of me but also the more miserable i feel, i am also so mentally and physically exhausted, i seem to have little to no patience for shit, and i keep finding myself flooded with thoughts of, maybe i could just have a cheat day, just get drunk and high one day to numb out all the shit, this is hard, i am depressed, i feel like i am not fun, most of my social interactions are based on work or money, i dont feel like myself, and im not sure what to do, sorry for being inactive, and sorry for being so miserable in this one, hope everyone is doing well
CA meeting? Meet some new sober folks have some coffee maybe. Shit yeah it’s tough and a lot tougher if all we do is work or fill time so we don’t drink or get fucked up.
Healthy and happy comes when ww feel like we’re living, not just staying clean & dry.
Hugs man
Congrats on 6 months!
Have you considered going to meetings?
My own willpower was never enough to keep me going no matter how much I filled up my time with other things to do. It wasn’t until I started working a program that the obsession was lifted.
This sounds just like one of my anxiety/depression spirals. I’ve gone through this and relapsed a couple of times, and it really sucks. For mine I would make extensive lists of all the chores, exercise goals, etc etc weekly and feel this increasingly intense internal pressure to do everything, all the time, and it’s exhausting, and I feel like it shouldn’t feel so hard and must be a personal failing which is a not so nice feeling, and at some point I really just don’t want to feel that anxiety and depression any more. I’m still working on it, honestly, but I stopped making lists and I’m specifically reaching out and making plans with people I care to do things I think will be fun instead just work and chores. A friend and I are signed up for a woodturning course coming up soon, and I’ve joined a new DnD campaign. It gives you something to look forward to, and helps remind me that I have value to people I care about outside my ability to do work etc., if that makes sense. I also did a few sessions with a therapist through my works employee assistance program and got the sanvello app which did help me understand some aspects of anxiety that I was experiencing but didnt understand to be part of my anxiety at the time.
Oops, sorry! Congrats on 2 months. I had to attend multiple meetings until I found one that fit. The ones I attend are all about living in the solution, not the problem. Everyone has drunkalogs but that’s in the past and they’re not part of our shares. Experience, strength and hope from others got me to 3 years so I’m gonna keep going.
Props to you my friend. I too used willpower and I am two months away from four years from my DOC.
A word from one man using will power to another, a lot of advice and suggestion on this forum are a revolving statement of “ go to a meeting “ I on the other hand say, if what you are working is working then continue on
And congratulations on your time
Also–im not trying to unload all over your post but it really struck a chord with me–ive just realized that throwing myself into an excess of activity is a was to subconsciously “prove” to myself and others that I’m Doing Fine. If I wasn’t Doing Fine, would my house be this clean? I did 100 situps, I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t Doing Just Great. My friends say “Wow you’re so productive, you sure do Have Your Sh*t Together!” And these internal and external feedback loops create pressure to sustain a level of activity that doesn’t leave any room for an honest evaluation of my emotional state or needs, and leaves me unable to do what I need to do to address them.
