I had a really bad conversation with my partner (narc btw) he said all of the things that could possibly trigger me…
“I want to leave and go far away from here”
“I want to explore brazil (and other countries that indicated he is into travelling to see beauty that isn’t of the natural environment)…the DR etc..”
i knew it was a deliberate attempt to trigger my abandonment issues…but I still fell for it.
I went to the nail salon to try and calm things down…but then I fell into the same old habit of doing something in secret (in this case, buying a bottle of vodka and drinking it in secret) before I got back home.
I knew it was wrong…I even thought about this app and forum…but I still f’d up.
Now I’m in bed…he hasn’t clocked what I’ve done yet. And I feel riddled with guilt because I let MYSELF down.
I hate how I feel right now. I’ve done it again. I feel so horrible.
I’m not drunk apparently right now but I feel so angry with myself.
Today’s actions don’t define you. People make mistakes. Just please come back to the app tomorrow and don’t give up on your goals. We’re all here for you and we’ve all been there.
It happened and you’re here now. Hope you’ll wake up and start again. One day at a time for all of us. Just as long as you learn something from this episode it won’t be all for nought. We’re in this together friend
This could be your last relapse, better said: make it your last one. Try to learn something out of this one and then something bad has a good side too
What can you do different next time? Triggers will always be around, the rest of your life! But what you CAN change is how to act on it.
Alcohol was my plan A for everything. So I had to figuring out a plan B. For me that is talking about my emotions (good ore bad), working out and walking in nature, stay connected to people who gets it (this forum), asking for help when I need it, etc.
Make your own plan B And put your time and energy in that. We used to put a lot of time in drinking and/ore drugging, now let’s put that time and energy into recovery!
Really understand where you’re at. Issues with my partner have been the catalyst to a lot of my drinking. I’m only newly back into my recovery, but I have learned this: There is enough shame, anger, and negative feelings that come from drinking. Try to be kind to yourself & know others are here for you
Hey there, whats done is done friend. U cant change what has already happened, but u can make a plan for today/ur future. How are u doing now since u posted? Im glad u came on here and posted. We are here to support one another
Hey lovely people…sorry for taking so long to respond on here…I felt immense shame but I did not drink again…I just felt because you guys really made me feel like you believed in me and my genuine trying to stay away from these things, I felt ashamed to even reply here…
I have done a few good deeds to try and make myself feel better about my moment of weakness…. I went to visit my mum, I cleaned her entire house and made her comfortable, I spent some time with my friend who really needed me to stay over with her because of her anxiety….and now I don’t feel so terrible anymore. I had a really nice time both days…I am really sorry I trauma dumped on here and brought my negative feelings here. I am so grateful for the friends I’ve made here and I am sorry for making a spectacle of myself here…
Btw Alex, I got an email about that naomi sharon song from you…and that made me feel like it was okay to come back here…thank you friends
You are always welcome here!
Share away, vent, let it out
You are not alone and a burden shared is a burden halved. Keep going and if you fall off the sober train: dust yourself and hop on it again, each sober day counts, you know, because it’s ODAAT. Every day
You’re always welcome here friend. It’s the point of this place. Thanks for coming back. Vent when needed. We’re here for each other and that certainly includes you too. Big hugs.
Im glad you are checking in again. You may have let yourself down but you didnt let me down. Just keep fighting. Its the addiction that feeds into shame and isolation. This place is for support - thru the good and bad - we are all human trying to navigate this disease. Get back on the sober path and work it one day at a time
And put your time and energy in that. We used to put a lot of time in drinking and/ore drugging, now let’s put that time and energy into recovery! 
