I’m in sober living and I’m on the journey to getting my kids back and going back to my house one day. I miss my life! DFCS gave us an ultimatum and said either the kids go or you and your husband go so I had my mom move with them and I left on foot literally. I got f**** up to numb that pain. In and out of rehabs and sober livings and fucking them all up or leaving. I didn’t know JUST HOW TO LIVE AND BE NORMAL AND SOBER. Working sober scared me still does. ALL I CRAVE IS XANAX! It calls my name more than heroin. But heroin, Xanax, AND meth ALL 3 mixed together forms my ONE PERFECT drug. I had to have all 3 at all times. I have over 50,000 or more in hospital bills from the overdoses and me waking up and ripping my IV and walking out. I keep getting kicked out of sober living for dumb shit. I miss my kids I want to die
Ur drugs of choice has their hold on u. Mine did for me too. I relapsed constantly and literally was unable to function as a human being, especially around managing emotions and stress. I hear ur struggle and ur pain. The biggest step for me was putting distance btwn me and substances. That was the hardest part but being in contact with supports and deleting dealers numbers etc helped. Once the physical withdrawal was gone, the obsession kicked in and I slowly began to tell when the addictive part of me was trying to reel me back in. My mind lies to me constantly about drugs and tries to convince of having just 1 or not being able to manage life without them. These are lies. You are capable of a wonderful life with ur kids 
You are capable of being a healthy mom and employee and person. But it’s literally 24 hours at a time that u need to worry about. Just focus on being clean for the day, for the hour, or even for the minute
You got this!! I relate so hard. So brave of you to do sober living.
Aw I’m sorry to hear that, but I can relate. I was on a large amount of fentanyl/meth when I found out I was pregnant, but I quit right away and have been clean since. However CFS was involved right away because of baby daddy and my history with drug use. When babe was 2 months old she fell off the couch and cfs apprehended her, even tho I’ve been clean and been doing drug tests. But now I miss my baby girl so bad, I miss being a mum I miss having her around to remind me why I need to stay clean. It’s hard, really hard dealing with everything especially if your sober, and have depression. I would suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself, I’m in the same boat. Quit thinking about wanting to give up and die, I know it’s hard sometimes and those thoughts are not necessarily controllable. They are intrusive thoughts. I don’t know how old your kids are but I do know they love and need you, so you need to stop thinking about yourself and just think about them. Do what you need to do to get yourself in a spot where you can get them back.
Get help with your mental health, and don’t ever give up!! You got this you just need to seek the proper supports and a safe network of people who love and care about you who can help you through this incredibly hard time 
Also there are times I wish I could get fucked up to numb the pain, but it’s not worth it because if I did I wouldn’t be able to get my child back. So my advice is try doing what I’ve had to do, no one expects you to not be in pain. Feel the pain, learn to cope with it! Use it as a motivator to get your shit done and follow through! You got this!