I literally can not do this one sided feeling relationship with my husband I feel more as a roommate then an actual partner at times and I’m really tired of it
I get that he works 8 hours a day or whatever at work but I work literally 24/7 days and nights I never seem to get a break I literally just got done with an EEG test that literally took 27 hours or at least something like that and I felt literally alone only a few times out of that entire 3 to 4 days literally I felt like I had to do everything well I’m trying to sit still and chill for the test but yet again I’m always seeming to have to be a parent and I get that I am but it did take two to be one so I don’t see why it’s so hard to be more of a parent when it’s really needed
I cook I clean I take care of the kiddos I do pretty much all there is that needs to be done but every time my husband comes home from work he showers eats and chills until he’s sleepy and wants to go to bed and a lot of times he dose and then
I’m left alone to deal with everything around me im literally so frustrated and tired I have literally no idea how to talk to him without it feeling like it’s getting heated and then when that happens we end up arguing and then nothing gets resolved and I’m even more mad and frustrated with him
And on top of that my dr is thinking that I may have fibromyalgia and the F up part about it all is supposedly there’s no test to figure it out sooner rather then later so I can get the help that I need i just wish I could talk to someone that knows exactly what there looking for so I can figure out what everything else is so I can be better
and I also wish that sense I can’t seem to get through to my husband I wish there was someone that can because I wish even though he’s a good guy and he dose what he can I wish he’d be more proactive of being a parent and being a partner because I’m so tired of haveing to ask him for help and sometimes it take more then ones to ask and to be honest I don’t have the energy like I used to to be putting up with this crap you know what I mean
I’m sorry for coming on here and some what complaining but if I don’t I end up just holding everything in and I end up resentful and things and that’s exactly what I don’t want to happen and then I feel like that will open my addiction Pandora box that i literally sealed off a good long while ago and I don’t want to go down that hole again so thank you for listening I appreciate you all I really do hope you have a great rest of your night
Can you ask him to try marriage counseling to facilitate how we can have calm discussions rather then arguments? It sounds like both of you dont feel heard or understood. It was the best decision for me and hubby
We have kinda talked about it and it just seems like it really isn’t for us and I’m always trying my best to make his needs and things are met and I’m always hearing him out but the thing is when I speak out and it’s not something he wants to hear is kinda the problem I feel like I’m not heard a lot of the time and if he does hear me I feel like he brushes it off way too quickly I’m not saying I’m all innocent and I don’t do anything wrong no I have my own fair share of faults or whatever you want to call it but try to talk to him about really anything that’s important to me seems impossible at times if that makes any sense
Are you able to go to online or 3-D meetings as in AA, recovery dharma or something similar. I realize what you’re saying is is that your schedule is so full. Maybe be able to get out on your own and do something might be helpful for you and be supportive.? For mental support and being in a community Church groups, community groups etceter
You are still going to have all the responsibilities on you and you are still going to have your health issues that you have. I understand that.
It just might be that getting out and away from some of it here and there could be helpful.
( I can’t make your husband do his share )
I know many households who have the erasable board on the wall. Where everybody’s chores and responsibilities are on the board, including the children if they are big enough age to be able to have some responsibility like pick up their toys, make their beds, etc..
I’m glad you’re putting your addiction up there at the top. The only other suggestion I have is if you’re able to afford say a house cleaner or a babysitter or take advantage of resources in your area that might free up some of your time and let you have some time on your own. I also realize it is a good chance none of that is possible.
I’m glad that you posted. I’m glad that you’re here.
Thank you for kinda seeing what I am trying to say without judgment me and my husband are both recovering addicts that don’t always see eye to eye and I know a lot of people have that problem but a lot of the time it keeps us from loving each other at times because we’re always trying to get the other one to listen to each one another yes one of us has a harder time getting through to and it’s frustrating beyond words can describe but we love each other regardless but man it’s getting more difficult are schedules. Do not let us free up time. And we both don’t really have the family to help us and if we do a lot of them are toxic and we have a hard time trusting them with any kinda responsibility of our children
and yes I understand none of you can’t control this situation for me but with me writing on here and maybe of hopes of him seeing this and seeing all of you gives us ideas or words of wisdom to try to help us out maybe that will help or maybe not I won’t know until it happens
There’s lots to be said for the written word on a site. I see in your earlier post that he in fact is on the site. It might be very helpful to converse through the site within a group of people that you respect and admire.
It is beyond bearable to have a partner who won’t listen and doesn’t take responsibility and doesn’t his share of parenting and housework without a kick in the butt. been there, done that.
fuck his needs, you better put yourself first. i did and it changed a lot. you are not his servant, life coach, mother, cleaner, cook or therapist. you are his wife. this man better grows up and acts like an adult. no, going to work and doing nothing at home from own motivation is not adult, it’s child mindset and hotel mentality.
go to therapy for yourself. for me it helped to see clearer and develop a healthy, not overwhelmed and permanently stressed & exhausted life.
by the way, i kicked my ex from the couch and made him fucking do chores when i was beyond frustrated and exhausted. didn’t help in the long run but short term the furious outlash transported the message.
I am sorry you are still going through this. You seem to be stuck in a really hard spot. I know you want to view your husband through rose colored glasses, but it may help you to look at your situation realistically. This has been on-going for years now. Your husband seems to lack any amount of respect for you and that is hard to deal with. I hope you are able to do things that can help yourself, because it seems that your husband is not willing to lift a finger to help you, or your relationship. You seem like a kind person, but don’t let your kindness become weakness. Come here to vent anytime you want.
I’m sorry you are going through this with your partner. I know first hand being in situation where you are a married single mom is not only tough but so very frustrating and at times down right infuriating. I hear you and see you and truly hope you can get a break soon.
