I need help. I really want to be sober but I’m constantly doing drugs and drinking. After I do it , like now, I hate myself
I know I need to get to meetings and work a program. Right now at this moment I’m trying to get through the fall out from drinking and druging all night. I feel so horrible. I’m so ashamed and depressed I’ve done this again.
I feel like what is wrong with me. I know
I’m going to hate myself afterwards but I do it anyways
I HATE myself right now
I know that feeling of despair. I was deep into cocaine, opioids and alcohol on a daily basis and every morning I’d wake up saying I can’t live like this anymore but I’d manage to get through my work day and start all over that night. I finally got to the point that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Off to detox I went for 10 days followed by an intensive outpatient program and then onto AA. There’s absolutely no shame in asking for help but I had to be willing to do the hard work it takes. It’s been over 3 years now and I can’t imagine ever going back to that lifestyle. We get to choose our bottom, make this it for yourself. What actions are you willing to take? Here’s a useful link: Resources for our recovery
The shame and despair and the dread and the terror. These were my constant companions as well.
What I discovered is that I had to lay that stuff aside and focus on staying sober for one day. And then the next day it was a tiny bit easier. Those thoughts, because they were so overwhelming, only and always led me to another drink. How else could I deal with them? I had no resources on my own.
As others have said, getting concrete medical and mental help us how we got started into sobriety. A structure that helps us change our attitudes and ideas and feelings and behaviors keeps us there.
Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
The feeling of self hate DOES pass. No matter how bad you feel now it WILL pass.
I’m in a recovery hostel right now after being in prison for a while. I’m on day 40 and I slowly feel my soul returning back to my body. You just have to rattle it out and ignore the horrible feelings, they’re going to fade and are not real. I was convinced everyone hated me but I was so wrong. Be strong, the future starts today.
Either you want to be sober is different from need to be sober if you think you need to be go to a meeting or try a 12 step program they are advertised every were on social media . you have to help yourself all the decisions are yours , you will get good advice here , but nothing will change until you change wish you well