I need help. I really want to be sober but I’m constantly doing drugs and drinking. After I do it , like now, I hate myself
I know I need to get to meetings and work a program. Right now at this moment I’m trying to get through the fall out from drinking and druging all night. I feel so horrible. I’m so ashamed and depressed I’ve done this again.
I feel like what is wrong with me. I know
I’m going to hate myself afterwards but I do it anyways
I HATE myself right now
I know that feeling of despair. I was deep into cocaine, opioids and alcohol on a daily basis and every morning I’d wake up saying I can’t live like this anymore but I’d manage to get through my work day and start all over that night. I finally got to the point that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Off to detox I went for 10 days followed by an intensive outpatient program and then onto AA. There’s absolutely no shame in asking for help but I had to be willing to do the hard work it takes. It’s been over 3 years now and I can’t imagine ever going back to that lifestyle. We get to choose our bottom, make this it for yourself. What actions are you willing to take? Here’s a useful link: Resources for our recovery
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The shame and despair and the dread and the terror. These were my constant companions as well.
What I discovered is that I had to lay that stuff aside and focus on staying sober for one day. And then the next day it was a tiny bit easier. Those thoughts, because they were so overwhelming, only and always led me to another drink. How else could I deal with them? I had no resources on my own.
As others have said, getting concrete medical and mental help us how we got started into sobriety. A structure that helps us change our attitudes and ideas and feelings and behaviors keeps us there.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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The feeling of self hate DOES pass. No matter how bad you feel now it WILL pass.
I’m in a recovery hostel right now after being in prison for a while. I’m on day 40 and I slowly feel my soul returning back to my body. You just have to rattle it out and ignore the horrible feelings, they’re going to fade and are not real. I was convinced everyone hated me but I was so wrong. Be strong, the future starts today.
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Either you want to be sober is different from need to be sober if you think you need to be go to a meeting or try a 12 step program they are advertised every were on social media . you have to help yourself all the decisions are yours , you will get good advice here , but nothing will change until you change wish you well
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