I need help please maybe even writing this will help I dont know i have been doing spontaneous sobriety for 45 days now after 20 years of alcohol dependency I have been reading books and using trackers and journaling and sketching and going for walks and meditating and its been great, but i have been actively avoiding my friends and people in general. I have 4 close friends who I told since they are not big drinkers this was a non issue and ofcourse they are supportive aswell as my husband and children who are all too happy with the news to be anything but supportive my husband is also not a big drinker (hence why I say they dont understand) fast forward to now on Saturday we will be hosting a huge cultural party( in my culture we drink alot) for my teen daughter with over 100 people (not open bar, thank God) but still half of these people are the drinking friends and family I have been avoiding they dont know that im sober now and want to stay sober now more than anything but im so scared im so nervous one person said I just know im gonna be plastered and so hung over I cant wait this nearly brought me to tears and shakes i have seated myself with my husband and my non drinking friends that know and understand but I just need someone to talk to who understands who has been there this is my 1st big sober outing pretty much like a wedding I promised myself and my daughter I wouldn’t drink and she said Thank God, I have some excuses lined up like no thnx im not drinking tonight since im responsible for all these minors I have said to a friend already that I won’t be drinking and they said, not even 1 shot lmao lol laughing with tears can you imagine one shot yes and I will be riding a unicorn to this event with clouds and rainbows coming out my ass please someone help anyone please im going crazy
Congratulations on your 45 day’s! I remember back early in my sobriety from not drinking that I had to just remind myself daily that I quit. Welcome to TS! Hope you stick around. 
Thank you so much
Thank you so much I appreciate your advice
Congrats on your sober time 
What I always do: Have multiple exit plans and more than one reclusive place where I can unwind (or hide from too much people and conversations). One is usually the toilet.
In social gatherings I make sure there is a quiet room I can use, as you host the event, make sure one room is exclusively for you and equip it with sparkling water, peppermint oil, a furniture where you can lay down, a blanket, earplugs and whatever you know is comforting you. When you feel you need a break go there and pause from the event. No explanations, you don’t need to justify that you need selfcare! Stay there until you feel safe and secure again. I asure you, the party is going on without you. If someone is complaining, tell them to fuck off! Your house, your rules 
Make sure you leave and go to bed when you are tired or the urge to drink is heavy. I’ve been going to bed way earlier than my guests for decades. My houserule was: Don’t disturb me if you want to see tomorrow alive, I need my sleep. Exept you set the house on fire, then please wake me so I can kill you before I call the fire department 
We are always in your pocket, come here, post, vent, share, you are not alone 
Thank you its at a hall but there are toilets the event has a hard stop at midnight and im responsible for handing tje kids back to their parents so that will keep me busy and sober and a great reason to go outside the hall for air when needed
Congratulations on your sobriety!!! Remember why you quit and how good this feels and how proud it rightly makes you. That always helps me.
If you get shaky, go outside and take a walk. Or go to the bathroom and post HELP me stay strong! on here and wait, someone will help you. Stay hydrated and well fed. Dance! Is it possible to retire to your room and just read and sleep? I did that a lot when needed.
Remember how good you will feel waking up hangover and regret free!!!
What a great idea I will use this post as a back up if needed and actually even reading these comments will be so helpful! Ill post too after the event God willing with the All clear! I know i can do this but this is my very 1st big sober event thank you for your help this means so much
Take as many walks outside as possible! You can do this!!
Congratulations on 45 days! That’s huge and you should be proud of yourself for doing this.
Lots of good advice here already. I always find one or two people who also don’t drink and cling to them when the pressure to drink gets to high. Normies, people on antibiotics, pregnant people. They are usilually happy to have someone sober to talk to as well. We are here with you. Enjoy your sober event 
Totally agree is their someone staying sober or some one who would? You could ask them to be your buddy for the night and help give you some support.
Yes my sister and her husband dont drink and 2 other sober friends will be at the event plus my 2 big non drinker friends my best friend had half a glass of wine if that plus all the 50 minors and kids so I have lots of buffers I sat all the big drinkers together. So what happens if someone buys me a drink ? My friend said she will get me gingerales from the bar so I dont feel pressure but what is someone bring me a drink I just say no thank you gosh im so nervous
Thank you my focus is my daughter and her big special day not the people that are there to pre drink for the rest of their night but I am nervous its my very 1st ever and its a big one
You decline it. Say whatever you want as to why…. I’m on medication that I can’t drink on or whatever.
These types of situations give all of us anxiety in early sobriety. Playing the what if scenarios in our minds takes us out of focusing on today which can cause trouble. It sounds like you have a good plan in place and have had good advice here. Remember to put your sobriety first and leave if you have to. Best wishes
If someone brings you a drink, you can say, no thank you, I am not drinking or no thank you, I am taking medication or whatever you feel comfortable with. I know it is making you nervous, we were all nervous, it’s normal. Like Dan wisely said, keep your focus on this moment right now…take each moment as it arrives. You have a good plan in place. You can do this and you will be so stinking proud of yourself!!!
Always have a drink in your hand or next to you, a non-alcoholic drink.
If someone wants to buy me a drink or puts one under my nose I decline. No is a complete sentence.
You take care of the kids. Of course you have to be sober, only an ignorant idiot would offer you drinks.
Ok the plan is:
Sit and stay near the5 sober people at the party
Kids as a buffer
Always have my trusty gingerale or whatever this is a basic bar no mocktail or non alcoholic fancy options.
Dance I love dancing i actually used to hate to miss out on all the dancing because I was too drunk now I can dance all night.
Avoid going to the bar, no is a full sentence, but if persistent say im the DD of the party for my daughter and I have to meet parents at pick up, also just no thank you should suffice, be full, there will be lots of food, go outdoor air or to the washroom, go on this app, read all these comments and post, or post help follow up to 1st big sober event.
Ok you guys have no idea how much this is helping this is the longest I have not drank in 12 years since my last pregnancy i want to keep it up I feel great sober I know I can do this
Yes you can do this. You will feel amazing after you do this 
. You have a good plan, all you have to do now is stick to it 1 minute at a time if that’s what it takes.
You can so do it, sneak off and jump on here for inspiration if you need to
Ok guys ill post Help at 1st sober event!!!
If needed and ill definitely keep you guys posted with the All clear message come Sunday morning God willing or even that Saturday night at midnight 
