If someone calls you at literally 1pm in the afternoon well your busy and tells you can I stay at work for a little overtime but does not specify what time but your thinking it’s the regular usual time meaning like 5 or even 6 but comes to find out it wasn’t and they texted you telling you ok I got the ok to stay for overtime and I’m staying until 10pm
Mind you they threw me off by calling me more then ones I finally answer and say what do you want I’m really busy at the moment and there like ok but can I have over time please and I say Yha ok I guess but please text me letting me know if you got it and what time thinking it was like ether 5 or 6 like I mentioned before but thing is he didn’t text me he forgot to then I texted him saying did you get it or not please let me know when you can no answer for a little while then I finally got an answer but that time it’s already almost 2 and he comes home at 4 and tells me he did get the ok but he’s staying until 10pm
To be honest I would’ve been ok with it if my life didn’t really depend on him home because we have a family together because how else am I supposed to even try to take care of myself I barely sleep I barely eat I’m dealing with my health issues I’m literally still learning how to balance everything out so I don’t have to depend on him so freaking much he literally just doesn’t understand stand me he says he does but truthfully he does not
Because honestly if he did he wouldn’t do half of the crap he says and dose and I’m not saying I’m fun to deal with because I have my moments but thing is when he says stop I stop and when he says he doesn’t like something i try so hard to remember that and never do it again but when it comes to me he really doesn’t do the same and if he eventually does it’s like only for a few days or more then it’s right back to the same old him
But anyway long story short if he sees this he’ll probably be not happy with this and what I’m saying and probably tell you I was yelling at him and then I created an argument but truth is even though it might have felt like I was or it may have looked like it but in all honesty I wasn’t I’m just really really overwhelmed and exhausted and every time I try to speak up it just seems like we fall into an argument but in all reality all I’m trying to do is to be heard for once
And I’m also just so sick and tired of him with every altercation we have it feels like he is the one that’s under attack and he has to defend himself every single time and FYI if anyone is wondering his favorite new thing is to call me a narcissist when we’re not getting along and we’re actually arguing and even though we weren’t really arguing this time but this time he managed to fit in that I am a narcissist and I need to stop constantly controlling him even though I just simply asked him to jump into the shower after he got home from work because I didn’t want him sitting on the couch with his dirty work clothes on and to be honest I felt like he acted like I was asking him for to much well he knows very well that my body immune system is kinda shot it’s kinda easy for me to get sick even if I got my flu shot and things
And to be honest he’d understand all of that if he paid more attention and stopped acting like I’m the bad guy all the time
In all honesty I know I’m not exactly easy to deal with believe me of all people I would know but I’m not out to get anybody I’m not here to purposely make your life hell but you also got to understand is I’m an overwhelmed and over tired momma that has 0 time for her self all I am asking for is understanding and patience I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with or even live with but still no one deserves to be called narcissistic because you don’t get your way or your feelings were hurt or whatever I don’t do it to you so why do it to me you know what I mean guys
But anyway thanks for listening to my nonsense again I hope all of you have a great rest of your night
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I am sorry to hear things are not improving at all with your spouse. I wish I had some magic wand I could wave that would make him change.
I just want you to know that being called a narcissist is never okay. Your husband is engaging in really toxic, manipulative, and abusive behavior. You don’t deserve that. Please don’t think you are to blame at all. I hope you find the strength to protect yourself and your child from this behavior.
We are here to support you.
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The this is English it’s hard it really is when it comes to being in love with someone that only seems to change for a few days or more and then sees how much I am like ok with the change and then decides to go right back to the way things were kinda thing when he seems to think everything is okay again
I’m not going to name any names but he’s on here and I seen you to talk if you know you know it’s probably not to hard to put the puzzle pieces together
But anyway me and my kiddo are always safe so no worries there it’s just I wish he would change for the better because I am for shere tired of trying with someone that’s not really taking me seriously when I really need him to
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It’s a tough pill to swallow when someone you love turns out to not be the person you need them to be. It’s unlikely they will ever change. From what it sounds like they are always the victim in their own story, which is common for untreated alcoholics.
I’m glad you are safe, but you also deserve to be happy. Hopefully you can find that somewhere
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I want to gently step in here because I think there are a couple of things worth keeping in mind.
While relationship challenges can certainly affect our recovery, I’d like to encourage the original poster to focus on how this situation is affecting her own sobriety and recovery. How are you navigating these challenges? Are they impacting your recovery, and what support do you need for yourself? Those are conversations we can have and offer meaningful support around.
We also need to be mindful when discussing relationship issues involving another member of this community, particularly when that person may be reading the discussion. Even without naming someone, it can put another member in an uncomfortable position and invite others to form opinions about a situation when they’re only hearing one side. And we do not want to get into a back and forth between partners, that is what talk therapy is for, not this forum.
I’d also ask that we refrain from labeling or diagnosing people. We can share our experiences and offer support without making assumptions about someone else’s motives, behaviors, or recovery.
Let’s keep the focus on supporting one another in our own recovery journeys, rather than evaluating or discussing another member’s behavior or sobriety.
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I hope so too and I also wish that what you talk to him about and other people talk to him about would actually sink in because I’m honestly tired of having to pretty much yell at him to get up and be more proactive with the family that we’re trying to build together
And a nother thing that he dose that’s probably one of the most annoying things that he dose also is be on a nother social media platform thinking it’s one of the most funniest thing ever by making drug related jokes/comments knowing very well we both have issues with that kinda thing and I tell him to cut it out but he never listens to me sometimes he makes them pretty terrible that I ask him from time to time to take them done he does sometimes but well he dose it he kinda snaps at me telling me im constantly controlling him and it’s his platform he should be able to do what he wants and he’s right in a way but makeing not funny comments and things about drugs knowing very well that we have a history with that on top of other people dealing with the same issues it’s just honestly in my opinion not cool and not ok am I wrong for feeling that way?
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I understand that you’re frustrated, and I can appreciate that having drug-related jokes or comments brought into your social media environment may be upsetting, particularly given your shared history.
I do want to bring the focus back to your own recovery, though. How are these situations affecting your sobriety? What boundaries do you need to establish for yourself, and what can you do to protect your own recovery when something feels triggering or upsetting?
I also want to reiterate that we need to be mindful about using the forum to discuss another member’s behavior or relationship issues, especially when that person is also part of this community. We want this to remain a safe and supportive space for everyone, without putting members in the position of having their personal lives discussed publicly or having others weigh in on one side of a relationship.
We’re happy to support you with challenges you’re facing in your recovery, but let’s keep the discussion centered on you and your sobriety rather than on your partner’s behavior. 
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I see where you’re coming from and I’ll own up to it because that’s on me no one else I’m the one that brought up another member and yes he dose read these things but thing is he dose not care I’ll do my part the best I can to not do what I did earlier and mention them without mentioning them but I’m telling you right know no matter what I say or do it literally dose not matter it goes in one ear and out the other so from my own experience he’s just going to most likely read this and not care like all of the other posts I made throughout the time I have been with them
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I appreciate you understanding where I’m coming from, and I don’t want you to feel that you can’t talk about the challenges you’re experiencing in your recovery. That’s what we’re here for, and you’re welcome to seek support.
I do want to make one thing clear, though. This applies equally to both of you. Neither member should be using the forum to discuss, indirectly reference, criticize, or air grievances about the other. That includes posting about relationship conflicts or personal behaviors in a way that makes the other member identifiable, even without using names.
You both deserve to have this community remain a safe place to focus on your own sobriety and recovery, without feeling that your relationship or personal issues are being discussed publicly.
If either of you needs support with relationship difficulties, we’re happy to support you in terms of how those difficulties affect your own recovery. But the forum isn’t the place to address issues with one another or invite other members into those disagreements.
I appreciate your cooperation and hope we can leave the relationship issues outside the forum and keep this space focused on recovery.
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Yup you do not have to worry about me at least hope you guys have a great rest of your night
Sorry for the inconvenience of my frustrations won’t happen again hopefully
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Thank you for understanding. And please don’t feel you need to apologize for having frustrations or for needing support. We all need to vent.
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i’m so sorry you are trapped in this cycle. i say trapped because i was too. same pattern with my ex.
it destroyed me emotionally, drained my energy to the point of thinking about suicide. instead i went bat shit crazy when he one time too much presented ignorance and neglected my feelings and needs, putting his ego, toxic behaviour, narcistic traits first. i blew up my marriage in a big bang to safe myself, i had not one more day left in me living like this.
i’m grateful i chose to kill this toxic relationship instead of myself.
not surprisingly i needed years of therapy and hard work on myself to break free from codependent thinking, patterns and behaviour.
even less not surprisingly my ex continued his attitude and never changed. them who see no need to change and refuse taking accountability for their contribution to the problem, they will always blame you to be the one who is / does / acts wrong.
Spoiler: You are not. You are ok. It’s gaslighting, victim blaming, manipulation and perpetrator-victim-reversal.
As @Englishd I wish i had a magic wand to change your situation.
all i can do is support you from afar and tell you you matter and your husband is gaslighting you. i’m sorry, to be honest: he will never change. you have to make the change. he will never be the safe and stable, reliable partner you need.
sending hugs 
and motivation: i’ve been sober from codependent behaviour for 650 days 
yes, we can recover from codependency and stay sober from it!