For anyone that doesn’t know me - I was born and raised in Massachusetts (USA) and moved to Arizona (~2,500 miles away) on my own about 2 years ago. I didn’t leave much behind except my parents. I’m 34 years old and coming up on 5yrs of no drinking.
I love living here so far. Matter of fact, I bought a house here last month. Usually I do fine, I’m a very independent person. But my Dad just visited for 3 weeks to help me settle in, do some projects, and spend time together. He left last Wednesday, and although I was OK for a few days, the past few have been spent missing him so badly. Lot of crying, especially in the mornings. Talking to him on the phone at least once a day. Glad I can be open with him about how I am feeling, any time.
He is also likely moving back to his home country in Europe by the end of the year, which more than doubles the already existing distance between us. He’s over 60 yrs old and I totally understand it.
I just don’t know if or when the next time we’re together will be.
I am so grateful for that man. I feel guilty about the times I felt frustrated by him while he was here - but I’m trying to give myself some grace there. 3 weeks is a long time to have someone in your space, especially me who needs more time to myself than the avg joe.
I am reminded of him and saddened when I see the things he did for me on the house. Someday these memories will make me smile rather than cry.
Glad you came here to share, T. Feeling the feels is all a part of living life fully, and you’re certainly doing that. Give yourself time and space to process this sadness and be extra kind to yourself, please. Sending hugs
Hey T-Mac - its ok to feel sadness with having your dad so far away and knowing that the distance is only going to grow larger by the end of the year.
You should definitely share your feelings with your dad. I’m sure he would be touched to know that he is missed. Possibly do face time calls daily to catch up like you are both just next door. Can you make a plan to visit back home before your parents head over to Europe. It seems that your relationship got even stronger during this last visit - that is so great.
As @RosaCanDo says - feel the feelings and live fully.
It’s only been a short while since he’s returned back home - give your time to adjust to him being away and also your new surroundings. So much change in a short amount of time can become overwhelming
Sending you support…
You have gone through a transition moving home, that’s a big change and maybe also with your dad coming over and spending time together makes a feeling of being home sick ?
Taking time to feel settled in can feel weird, it did for me when I moved. Iv moved alot and it always felt a weird distance and atmosphere change to get use to. (Hard to explain)
It’s good your both speaking every day and I hope with you moving you have another person in your face to face life you can have some real hugs and talk with also so your not just alone with your feelings and memories.
You know you have us here
Thinking of you being sad in the mornings, I hope your okay and begin to feel okay
I remember missing my parents so much when I lived away and would only see them briefly a few times a year. It’s so hard! It’s so great you were able to spend all that quality time with him. One day you’ll look at the projects that are causing this sadness and hopefully they’ll bring you bursts of joy. Hugs to you as you feel all the feels.
That’s hard thinking about him moving out of the country. I hope the two of you will be able to see each other once or more times before he does that and maybe he won’t even do it. Big hugs. He’s your father. The feelings you have are normal. You miss him and it hurts
This struck me. I’m very close to my dad who is 80 (I’m 37). I understand your sadness missing him, and seeing reminders of him around your home. I also get the sort of guilt-feeling, which I have frequently. While I love my dad to bits, we are both adults with our own way of doing things, so we clash heads occasionally. And although I may feel a bit bad about it, I think this is completely normal in any adult-child and parent relationship.
I can understand your pain of feeling the separation from him. All I can really say, is try and keep in-touch with him as much as possible. Don’t let a phone call, text, or email end without telling him you love him. And, if you can make even tentative plans for seeing him in-person again, then do it.
I’m glad you could share here. What a wonderful relationship you have with your dad Several friends of mine maintain very close relationships with people back home via regular facetime and calls. Now we have apps there is no financial restraint on getting in contact. It’s not the wall it appears to be.
Losing someone who is a key part in our sobriety. He has not abandoned you but is allowing you to grow. Stay strong. It’s what we do.
When my Dad passed away i learned there is a greater strength in me.
I understand your Dad did not pass away but it’s the same strength.
Everything feels so out of control in my life right now and I think that causes a lot of stress for me. My parents, my Dad, are a reassuring presence. They represent safety from the harsh world.
I wish I could go back in time to when my Dad first got here. It seems like so long ago already. I miss doing things with him when I finish work for the day, small things like going to the hardware or grocery store. Seeing him play with the dog, he’s so good to him. The little moments where we would laugh together. Seeing him every morning.
I just wish he was here. It’s one of those days where the world just feels too big for me to handle.
You know, I was thinking about you today as I work on plans for my family to come visit to help us with our move. It’s almost like I’m feeling anticipatory sadness in preparation for when they inevitably leave. And that sucks! I want to be able to focus on enjoying the time that they will be here and I feel like I’m having a hard time. I want to be able to focus on the present, get excited for them to arrive and for that time together. And I want to be able to appreciate that time even after they leave and feel grateful for that time. Honestly, I am so glad you’ve been vulnerable and shared what you’re feeling and experiencing. Thank you It helps me to feel less alone in my own feelings. I’m a work in progress and it is really helpful to be self aware in this process.
I’m so sorry T – I do hope that you are able to feel your feelings. The distance does feel larger when the world starts to feel so big. Try to enjoy your home and the haven that you’ve created for yourself and Chief. Chat daily with your parents and laugh at your day’s events - have you been able to keep up with calls/ face time with them?
Are you able to get out and go to meetings or do meet up groups to get you out and active with other sober like minded people? This may help make the world feel less scary and big.
Sending you hugs today my friend
@Alisa is right, part of it is the companionship. But I have also come to realize, even more than before, that nobody loves you like your parents do. At least in my case and my experience, which of course is different for everyone. You can have friends that love you, you can have a partner that loves you - but love from a parent is different.
I’m not an “actual” parent myself, but when I think about my love for Chief, it knows no limits. I’d do absolutely anything for him and his well-being. It’s the closest I can come to understanding it.
My parents are not perfect, but I count myself very fortunate that they are both still alive and that they both have always loved me deeply, and continue to be there for me - always - even as an adult, even ~2,500 miles away.
Part of this is also that I have this thing where I get hung up on and sad about time passing. Like today, I’m thinking “it’s alrady been two weeks since Dad left”, “he got here 5 weeks ago already!” etc. And it makes me sad that time has moved so quickly. I could flip that on its head and think, “that means he’ll be back visiting before you know it”. Unfortunately my brain doesn’t buy that, ha. I know all my own tricks.
Vid calls/skype aren’t really feasible. My Dad isn’t great with technology. I got him his first computer before I moved out here but I think it’s stayed in the laptop bag since I left, lol.
I spoke with him on the phone again this morning, he’s leaving for Ireland today.
I’m still feeling pretty sad. I’m fine for a while then I’ll just start whimpering. Hopefully not too much more of that.