I just don’t really know where my head goes anymore when I’m alone… I hate messing up and I can’t take hurting anyone … It’s gone now but does anyone have any ideas on what to do when I get in that head space??.
Breath, go to a meeting, get in contact with somebody in recovery,
Do what your doing now, reach out and ask for help.
It would depend on what it is that is triggering you. Try and be self-critical in those moments and see if you can work out what is actually going on.
Just being left on my own was always a trigger/opportunity for me. Still triggers the same thought patterns for me when I know I’m going to get time to myself but have managed to suppress them so far.
I can’t really put a finger on what has changed that but if, for you, it is being alone that also triggers these feelings then like others have said - reach out or call someone or go to a meeting. If it’s an environment thing, change where you are - go for a walk. If it’s boredom - find a way to occupy your mind.
All a journey my friend. Ultimately a personal one. You need to find what works for you. Stay strong