I haven’t posted in a few weeks, and I should have, I should have reached out for help but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t I guess I just refused myself to and let myself go down the dark road again and here I am starting over. I want to be and stay sober so bad and move on from this in my life, I wish I would have never started, I wish a lot of things. Anyway I’m on day 1 and need to learn much more on staying sober.
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Dont be so hard on yourself and take the relapse as a lesson and not a failure , next time you feel like you are close to a relapse or are considering it just think about how it made you feel after the last one . This addiction we all suffer with is a illness and isn’t a nice place to be in but you’ve done the right thing by accepting what you did and realised that actually it’s not made you feel any better , life’s a game we have to choose how to play it … ODAAT 
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Welcome back, friend. It sounds like you know what’s good for you but you can’t put it into action. There is lots of help available and we’ve all used different ways to get and stay sober.
Hydrate and lay low today, you probably know that drill. One of the foundations of my recovery has been AA meetings, and you can get started there even on your first day being sober.
Other ideas are on the thread below, I encourage you to check it out. You deserve a sober life, I hope you find your way to it.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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Thank you both so much. Today is a lot of guilt and a lot of tears, I didn’t want to be in this place again, starting over but I keep reminding myself at least I’m here to start over. I need Gods strength right now, I need the Footprints saying in action
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My last relapse was the one I needed to become willing to go to any length for my recovery.
I call it my final relapse. It was my best relapse!
It actually sucked. Really bad! It made me willing to make the changes I hadn’t been willing to make. It taught me that its the first drink that I need to avoid.
This place has been a huge help for me.
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Your post really rings a bell with me. In my relapse I kept thinking I wish I were sober this isn’t worth it. That hasn’t happened before, I would just get lost in it. I kept looking back at my journal, everyday I would write when I was sober and my worst day sober was better than any day high and not really being a part of life. I know I have some seriously rough days physically in front of me, I just need to keep my mind strong
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Another good thing about my final relapse is that its my final detox too.
I hope your isn’t too miserable. Just miserable enough.
I was feeling really down. My self loathing was at an all time high. My self esteem was shit!
One day at a time it got a little better.
Today my self esteem is better than I can remember for a long time. Stay strong! It gets better. Im glad your here!
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Your right, I just need it miserable enough but not to bad, that actually made me laugh.
As I remember more above all else I put myself here and so I am the only one that can get myself out.
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I really appreciate your words! You are right one day at a time!
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Thank you Dan! Wow you have been sober a long time, you are goals!
I remember when I used to beg my dad, why do you do this to yourself, etc etc and unfortunately I found out the hard way. I want to get sober for both of us, since he couldn’t while he was on this earth.
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Jesus Christ. Look into deliverance. Cast out the spirit of addiction. Its a spiritual warfare against satan and the spirit of addiction.
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To stay focused on sobriety, you won’t have the energy for regret.
Stand up, shake and wiggle, jump up and down and get back at it.
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Yes I need to dust myself off and push. Right now I feel like I am paralyzed, thinking of everything I should and need to be doing and I’m sitting here physically incapable of moving. My head is throbbing, and I am depleted…. I know that’s not the most positive thing but it’s my reality right now
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Yes. Just go ahead and drop-kick your expectations of “should.” If there is something you truly NEED to do, it’ll get done. Right now, it would be BENEFICIAL to just write down what you’re feeling and why you don’t ever want to feel that way again. It can be here or on paper. It’s therapeutic. It helps. It’s not a cure but if you’re just sitting doing nothing anyway… 
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Thank you! I am going to do that, I appreciate the support and encouragement so much!
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Thank you so much. Today I’m just trying to make myself comfortable. The withdrawals are no fun, I guess the good part is I don’t even have the desire for anything including my DOC. I need to be held accountable, that has always been a huge thing for me….if left to my own devices has not worked well for me:roll_eyes: and no one in my life knows I struggle, yes for real. I have to just put as much energy into being sober as I did to get high. I appreciate you and I’m super happy you reached out friend 
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I’ll get through, I always do. Couple of days that aren’t the best but nothing that’s gonna kill me
I’m actually feeling better than I deserve and I’m doing things, this NEVER happens on day 1, so I am hopeful 
And I’m hoping this is my body telling my mind is there now with my heart and it won’t be so bad
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@IamThechange Don’t beat yourself up you picked yourself up and trying again.learn from your fall like what triggered you what could you have done differently and do it the next time you want to use.you got this prayers your way
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Id slip and fall so many times before just have to pick ourselves back up from out the gutter, work on avoiding the things that take us down that dark road. For me it was alot of excuses that kept me in addiction, its all i knew was a product of my environment all my friends family used, i was an addict, life was hard, life was unfair, the days were dark and cold, or long and hot, just every reason to escape my reality. It all became too much an i eventually got tired of living a lie. So im doing the work and im staying clean/sober i may be an ex drunk, fiend but im recovering and im happy greatful to be alive. Continue counting the blessings doing the work just stick on the straight and narrow eventually we find the support we need get back on our own 2👣
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