Yesterday i smoked a thc pen.
Reset my counter to today at 00:00 or 12am
Ill put all my sobriety jewelry with my old date in a box and remember the past 2 years as thee best time in my sobriety.
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It’s a new day and it’s all we got, for sure. Do the walk again and even better days are surely ahead.
Fuck any pity party and move forward as this is how we get to live life happy, joyous and free!
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Thank you for inspiring me 
I feel ok also.
No fights, no yelling, no secrets in that last relaps.
There is no glory in my last relaps also.
I highly suggest (like we have all seen here) to not relaps or get back to sobriety as soon as possible after s slip.
And me comming here talking about this mesns, obviously relapsing isnt worth it
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Why did you think smoking thc was a good idea? Talking about this and reflecting on it might be helpful, to yourself and to others.
Why didn’t you come here BEFORE you bought/smoked thc? It/we might have helped you not to do it. Asking for help seems to me one of the main reasons (if not the main one) this forum exists.
One day at a time. Can’t fail. Success.
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I’m worried about you. Thats two things this week. I dont know if your meds was an actual relapse or not. I think its a huge red flag that possibly lead to this.
I know that the weed products have been a nightmare for you. You have come too far to fall backwards. I care about you bro! be kind to yourself.
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Oh I am sorry friend. Are you taking time to reflect on what is going on? Earlier this week you mentioned taking more of your meds than prescribed and now the THC pen. I am glad you are changing your sobriety date and back on track with working on it. You may consider adding more tools to help you. There may be a shift in your real life that you need to address so that you don’t fall back on addictive behaviors.
Sending you strength and love. Hope you continue with the meetings and find other tools to help you sort through staying sober. Sobriety isn’t just about abstinence but also deals with changing our mindsets, our learned behaviors and healing ourselves inside and out. One moment at a time 
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I smoked thc outta stress.
Im ganna be hounest with you all.
The thc is too much. Im forgetful on it
Other then that theres no issue. Musta been the crck in my old town and all the alcohol but today weed didnt hurt me.
Today is the definition of why i got stressed.
- sence i woke up its been aruging. Very one sided. They say why they get mad then leave me without even trying to grasp what i say.
What i say is
Im not doing thc as long as im allowed my cbd full spectrum
Cbd is a damn axiety medicin for me self proscribed
Thc is a high
Cbd is the chill part
In order to get why i am the way i am, i need to be heard
Half of the people in my life ignore my emotions , and the other half dont give me a chance to speak.
No excuses why im picking up cbd for a helping boost, i just am
Also
Why give a excuse if its thrown back at me (my whole life)
Thats why im not too upset right now. Im starting to get ust to the fact people dont care about me, they only care about what they want to hear.
Weed pen was early thismorning
Big fight
Why?
Cbd
Being shunned (prob for the best tonight)
Why
Did i do anything besides stand my ground?
Well my boy is sleeping infrunt of me
Momma is in bed (but shes shunning me)
My dad was the only people who noticed “hey this kid has something going on.”
@Mno
I was addicted to drugs by laced weed at 14yo. Then was shut off because i have mental illness. Not even because at the time it was illigal in 2004. Mental illness.
I have so much reason that im getting sick of telling people because the people i tell these things to say, matt that emotion is not valid , hypothetically speaking.
I threw a t shirt at a dr once because he wouldnt let me go home. He didnt see me he saw me as a $sign
That was the 1st phycward i ever went in in 2007. I left that phycward in servear phycosis. That lasted a long long time and too many scary nights.
You know, whats to stop someone from stealing my seroqul for anxiety and replacing it with something else so they could try seroquil. It was openenly happening with other meds around the house like my brothers painkillers for a broken arm.
Not only in my house it was also happened at the kids houses next door and down the st
I faced it and let it go
My parents lost control
My siblings were just as bad with the drugs
My parents gave up
And i was the social exparenent
I truly believe
Wanting pot, it being all around me and smoked by everyone i know, but a stern no for me, is PTSD worth when it comes to, cops, siblings tell pot dealers no for me, best childhood friends who sell pot but tell me , “no im not selling to you” while the whole groub blazes and i sit.
"Matt you cant becuase your a schizophrenic " “ever”
All because i have "schizophrenia "
That 1st hospital got me all wrong
Because
My parents were giving me away
Because
Drs told them to
Before anyone gets on my case, ask me a questionable thing about my life and ill happily explaine, again
All teenhood tought me was people can really get angry over their weed when they thought i was the problem. Not only them, me too. Thats a lot of hard emotion, for a long long time
I was getting punched in the face over a roach in a ash tray and would walk off because i got punched over their weed, not because they cared
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I wasn’t able to obtain long term sobriety without taking a great deal of personal responsibility for my own actions. I had to stop blaming others. I had to stop making excuses. And I definitely had to stop pretending I knew everything. It honestly seems like you’re a pretty long way off from those. I saw on another thread that you’re stepping back from here and honestly that’s probably a good idea. Hopefully you can find some people in real life who you’ll actually listen to because you certainly haven’t been willing to listen to anyone here.
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You had two years sober while here. I do think there’s a connection between the two. Right now what I read is addiction’s words.
A lot of hard stuff happened in your life. You’re not the only one here with that. And only we ourselves can make something of our lives. Whatever happened. Take care friend.
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I agree with all the advice here so far. I’ve only been active on the forum for a short time and I’ve not seen your history on here. Maybe I’m going to type a load of advice here that you’ll never read or never listen to. But I’m going ahead anyway.
I think:
You’re stuck in the past. The only way I unlocked myself was through medication such as anti depressants, antipsychotics, and lithium. Then therapy allowed me to reprocess the trauma and move forward from the past.
You are focusing on a drug that when bought from the street is completely unregulated. Medical grade is obviously better and as you know it’s better without THC. But you’re stuck on it. Perhaps thinking it’s the only answer. And it can lead to psychosis and mental health issues. You do know this. It may have contributed to your mental health issues in the past.
You mention schizophrenia. Do you accept this diagnosis? Are you accepting of the medication? If not then this really could be at the heart of the issue. Getting your mind stable using your prescribed meds is so important so you can start to work on the deeper issues you are clearly suffering painfully from.
My advice only comes from my perspective and life experience and may not even relate to your situation. But it comes from a place of empathy and kindness.
We all care about you and we all want you to be well. If no one says this in real life, then accept it from the people in your phone.
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There’s lots of people listening to you here and supporting you. Today is a new day. Do not let a blip or your past dictate today. Start again. This is a solid place for support.
It takes what it takes. Don’t give up.
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