I am so angry at myself, i have had to keep resetting my sober clock because i keep relapsing with alcohol. i just want it to stop 
i wish this urge would go away, iām a mother my son needs a healthy mom. heās only 3 and i just keep tearing myself downā¦ what should i do? i donāt know if itās because iām going through a break up that iām drinking so much ā¦ does help numb the pain but with a cost. iāve been sick stuck to my bed all day i feel horrible, any suggestions? please. i need to start somewhere, deleting the ppl associate with that drink? iām really beating myself up right now
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First of all, big big hug and welcome. Make this your last first day, k? Have you formulated a plan? Have you joined any meetings yet? Did you get any literature? Yes, stay away from triggers and any people associated with alcohol. Do other things during your normal drinking hours. Mine was in the afternoon. I watched so many new movies and got very creative in the kitchen. Remember that drinking because of a situation doesnāt change the situation. If the emotions are too much, see your doctor and/or a therapist. Analyze whatās going in within your life and in your head. We donāt drink normal, we canāt quit normal. Big hugs and keep reaching out on your journey 
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āFeeling good about ourselves is a choice. So is feeling guilty. When guilt is legitimate, it acts as a warning light, signaling that weāre off course. Then its purpose is finished.ā I read that in a book about sobriety, and it really resonated with me. Basically, donāt just wallow in your guilt. Use it as a catalyst for change. For me, I had to focus on all the things that suck about drinking and that I hated about my drunken self. Sounds super negative, but itās what was necessary. I also had to accept that my excuses were just thatā¦excuses. And there are no good ones. A couple of book recommendations: āBottledā by Dana Bowman and āWe Are the Luckiestā by Laura McKowen. Both are about alcoholism, recovery and motherhood. (Iām a mom of two, 16 and 4). Really good reads. You can do this! 
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I just reset my count today. I was black out drunk last night. I started this morning hating myself until people here reminded me that hating myself for slipping doesnāt help me to reach my goals of sobriety. I easley forgot that I have a support system right here. We are all here for each other. We are here to lift each other up when we fall. You have this, you can do this for yourself and for your son. He does need you. I would suggest tying to find a meeting. Itās a good place to start.
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I have been in your position many times in the past. Unfortunately it was followed by many days, months and at times, years of digging that hole much deeper. We donāt have to stay in our addiction! We will always have this disease but there is a solution. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Many are online if you canāt attend in person. Also 12 steps that will give us freedom from this. It truly works. I have seen it in others and by the grace of my higher power, He is doing for me what I couldnāt do for myself. Break ups are hard. I just went through one but I refuse to give her and her new man power over me today. So you drank yesterday. The past is the past. You have been given the amazing gift of today. Stand up and love yourself enough that you wonāt drink TODAY. Thatās the start to a life of freedom. Donāt do it for your son, your family or anyone but yourself. You are worth it! Always remember you arenāt alone. We must stand together and let the people here and in the rooms of AA love you until you can love yourself.
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Welcome! This is a good first step!
You should be angry! You are worth a sober life. For me when I started to look at a couple things differently, I became sober.
First, normal drinkers go through the same crap we doā¦but they dont destroy themselves. So, I figured it is possible!
Second, itās just an urge. Why did I have to give in to it. When my leg cramps up, I dont succomb to the cramp and destroy myself. An urge, to me was just a mental ācrampā
Third, if I wanted to be sober drinking was simply not an option. I forced myself out of my comfort zone and got help. First here. It was great for 89 days. Day 90ā¦I knew I was going to foldā¦so I walked into AA.
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Well for one, stop beating yourself up and love yourself! Remember to take it day by day minute by minute, try to stay busy, try replacing negative thoughts and depressing thoughts with the positive side of it. Everything has some sort of positive to it even if itās negative. We all mess up, weāre human just donāt sit and dwell on it for too long. Try not to make relapse part of your recovery because if you keep telling yourself that itās part of your recovery thatās giving yourself the excuse to do so. But donāt beat yourself up if you do relapse because that will also cause the vicious circle. Also, drinking may ānumb the painā at that moment but itās only temporary and you will have to do with the problem at hand eventually, itās way worse when you let everything build up until youāre out of control. Most of us addicts are doing just that, weāre running from pain and trauma and not dealing with it. Iām sorry about your breakup but think of the positive of it even though itās hard. Is there anything else that could be possibly causing you to drink? Any past traumas that you havenāt dealt with? You have to try to identify your triggers and finding tools to make it through them. Meditation, journaling, reading, staying busy are some good examples.
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The reason I ask about past traumas is because it sounds like you were implying that you was an alcoholic before you had a breakup. Itās always good to talk about the traumas youāre dealing with if you have someone you feel comfortable with. Breathe mamma and start day one and donāt be hard on yourself.
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Hello!
For me personally I drink so much when I drink because I am an alcoholic. The outside circumstances change, but my drinking doesnt.
Alcohol is cunning and powerful. Most of us can not beat it alone. It took me big changes (sounds like a bad thing, but it has been a great thing) to āallow myselfā to be in positions to stay sober.
If I could stop I think so can you, I along with many others have been where you are and offer any help we can give.
Beat wishes you feel better soon.
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Get back on the horse hun. Put the bat down. Youāre worth it.
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Welcome!
I will write more later, but I wanted to say this. I came here feeling much like you. My children were 2 and 4 at the time. I had been a drinker for over twenty-five years - at least fifteen of them alcoholically. I could not imagine an hour without thinking about alcohol, much less forever.
I finally was ready to do whatever it took to get sober. My kids deserved it. I deserved it.
For today - promise yourself that you will not drink today no matter what. Reach out here, go for a walk, take a bath, call a friendā¦whatever it takes.
Hydrate. Eat well. Sleep.
More suggestions will come. I couldnāt get sober alone - and life got a lot easier when I saw that I didnāt have to. I needed help.
You arenāt aloneā¦and you have a chance for your child to not remember you as a drunk. What a giftā¦
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My situation is very similar to yours and I feel your pain. last night I wanted to drink so badly after 4 days sober. I posted on this thread and people helped me through it. today, Iām day 5.
Hugs to youā¦my friend.
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