I resent my partner for using

Life in Recovery
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I hate him for it. I hate that when he gets home he smokes and doesn’t spend time with me. I hate that we don’t talk like we used to because we aren’t always off smoking together. I hate when he comes in high and can’t do anything or is lazy or stupid and it makes me mad

Tomorrow, for personal reasons I’m driving my beautiful dog to his new home and I’m heart broken. All I want to fucking do is smoke and he can and I hate him for it. I don’t want to be in my own body I want to escape scream run and hide. I want to hit him and scream in his face. I’ve been going to meetings and I know about treating others with love and usually I give him grace, knowing he’ll come through to the other side. But right now I feel every part of me blaming my sobriety on him and my hatred of myself. I hate that he’s high sitting next to me. I hate everything.

I feel like it’s a stupid thing to call my sponsor over so I’m reaching out here. After all, it’s a dog and of course you’re mad your boyfriend is high. Please help, no one really can but I’m reaching out for something, anything

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That’s what sponsors are for love. To really talk about where we are at. I’m sorry you are having to part ways with your pet, I know that’s a big loss. And really feeling those heartbreaking emotions in early sobriety is tough. But you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to your sponsor. Keep going to meetings and letting people know where you are at. You’ll likely find the support you need within your program. Hugs! :heart:

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I wanted to let everyone know that feeling of just pure rage only lasted 45mins and now I’m still angry but not enough to use. Thankful for everything everyone has been teaching me x

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It’s not just a dog. It’s your dog. You love your dog and anyone else would feel the same in your shoes.

Addiction is selfish and your partner being high all the time is selfish. You were the same way when you were using. Feeling resentful - feeling angry about that - is natural. Anger is the feeling we get when people do things they shouldn’t do.

That doesn’t mean you need to confront him about it; unfortunately, now is not the time. But you are showing personal growth and progress by reaching out here. I’m proud of you. You’ve grown.

I’m sorry your partner is behaving that way. It sucks and you feel alone. I’m also proud of you for being who you are now and reaching out for healthy empathy and help. You wouldn’t have done that before. Good for you! :innocent:

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A pet is a huge presense in our life. It is absolutely not silly, and a valid reason to call your sponsor or post here.
I’m glad you got through it. (the anger, the loss if a pet will take longer)
Long term, how well can you continue to deal with your partner’s using? It is a massive thing to deal with. I am always in awe of people on here who have using partners and manage to stay clean and sober.

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Hi @Princessbabygirl i had a feeling this morning when I msgd on your post that today was a weird day for you and you weren’t in good head space I’ve been out with my daughter and taking her back today so I’ve not been back on all day . Well done for sitting with uncomfortable feeling s and getting not only through them but writing on here and getting them all out .12 days ago all that shit your coping with now wouldn’t of been possible without picking up and here you are dealing with it .please don’t be so hard on yourself princess :kissing_heart: hug ….your learning and growing into the person you want to be healthy and sober (you can’t take the world with you it’s your journey and yours alone )…”we can’t control other people places or things”all your feelings are valid and none of them are stupid they sound very frickin stressful to me !!:exploding_head: especially your dog that’s very sad and not at all stupid :disappointed:(your brains going don’t moan just shut all these feelings off ) .I agree with all on here about your sponsor those are the times you pick up the phone and let off some steam you will get compassion and help . I phoned my sponsor on about day 15 at 8:30 I the morning after texting “really sorry it’s so early and not the time we arranged can I ring you I’m not Fuckin happy this morning” and she msgd straight back saying YEAH !! And mine felt much sillier then yours .I was freaking out because my flat looked great I was living in it not outside and I hadn’t Fucked anything up in a fortnight and had food in the fridge for the first time in a year not emergency alcohol :pleading_face:I was properly flipping my lid ,but after I’d discussed it and she helped me compartmentalise my thoughts I went on to have a great day .pick up that phone more it’s important when things are tough xx

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Hi @Princessbabygirl you ok Xx

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I can relate to your anger, sadness and hatred. When I got sober, my husband carried on drinking heavily for 2 more years. I was living in hell. Every single day, he came home drunk and continued drinking until he passed out. I was devastated when my dog was killed by a neighbor driving like an asshole, and my husband “supported” me by drinking. Then I found a good friend dead from alcoholism, and when we left her home, he drove straight to the liquor store and cracked open a bottle of vodka in the car. But you know what got me through? Calling other women in the program. That’s what we do… lift each other up. Nothing you’re going through is stupid, pick up the phone.
You’re not alone and I’m glad you came here to share with us. Sending you big hugs :people_hugging:

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