I’m pretty darn close to six months sober. I’ve actually had a longer streak. I was a binge drinker once or twice a week, starting at home and going out to bars, not knowing how I got home and spending the next day, maybe two, in bed.
The worst thing that happened is I woke up in the hospital after hitting my head on concrete and being taken in an ambulance. And that didn’t make me stop (for long).
For a while I had dreams about situations where I was offered a beer and accepting it. My body knows it just takes one. Deep down I’ve been convinced once I get on certain medications or do therapy I’ll just be a normal drinker.
But… Just the fact that I’m contemplating this. That I care, at all. What am I holding out for? Am I just frustrated that I’m “different” or lack willpower or maturity? What have I been searching for at the bottom of the bottle?
I’ll admit, alcohol was fun and exciting. It was a party. Excitement. I don’t get excited over much lately. Life is peaceful for sure. I enjoy things. But I guess it’s that spark that alcohol lit, where music sounds amazing, where everyone is a friend, that I miss.
But that was artificial. Sort of a dream world. And carried endless consequences. I will take humdrum over a concussion any day.
I think you are on the verge of idolising alcohol. And that opens the door to possibly drinking again. Music doesn’t sound better drunk. You are correct, it is artificial.
You forget what you listened to. You spend a gig queuing at the bar or the toilet rather than watching the band. People aren’t your friend if you don’t remember talking to them, or you overshare, or get aggressive, or get sad. Friendship requires authentic connection. I also sometimes get frustrated I can’t drink “normally”. But there are plenty of things I can do. In reality, not being able to consume one type of liquid does not have a big impact on my life. Anything you can do with alcohol, you cam do without.
This is an interesting question to pose to ourselves; why did alcohol “make things seem” more fun? I don’t think the experiences were better (I would usually be distracted by thoughts of finding more), and I sure as hell didn’t feel good; so what is it that seems to make us think that it was better?!
It is a really interesting aspect to consider - because it’s not like other things shape our approaches and minds like this poison does.
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That used to happen to me
Then i started thinking about how much a person who is drinking stinks . I do mean smells bad and acts bad
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Distract myself with nature.
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Gradually, you won’t think of alcohol
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The stench of alcohol, not only that night but it coming from your pores as you sweat the next day, is nauseating. Just like smokers, which I did only when drinking, is a rancid smell.
Then add in the incoherent babble that we “believe” is a massively deep insightful conversation… Then the puffiness that we get to carry in our faces.
I’m not sure how we trick ourselves into glorifying it.
Ive been thinkin about drinking situations lately…like drinking at sport events with buddys, or dancing and drinking with a woman…I was such a social dude while drinking…miss dancing