I have never posted before, nor been to a group but have been thinking about it for quite some time, for different reasons, I never saw my alcohol use as a major problem but it leads to cocaine which has been a big part of my life for about 8 or 9 years now, I have gotten to a point where as soon as I touch it I either get into almost a trance like state and I begin gambling, more often than not until I’m destitute. And if not this then I become intensely paranoid curtain twitching and thinking someone is trying to break into my home, I don’t always drink when I do cocaine either, I am desperate to get away from this life. I am a long term cannabis smoker of about 15 years also, I fear I am getting closer and closer to drug induced psychosis.
I haven’t even begun on the damage alcohol has done to me physically and mentally through recent years
Welcome George 
yes, you are right it may help to be here, it helped me so much, talking to people here every day is a priceless tool in my recovery, not only help me so much to stay sober but whats most important slowly changes the way I think and feel about myself, my life, choices I make every day…
Thank you, I have struggled to really see the damage I have caused in my life, being blinded by occasion or blaming certain choices or habits on trauma, I think it is time to face things head on with everything I have
I know exactly what you mean… please try writing in your journal, answering questions and being honest with yourself, for me it was an eye opening, I was quite blind too, living in denial…
As I filled in my first one this evening, I found myself lying to myself already, I guess I’m not really sure how to express certain feelings properly yet, I will keep trying
Catching yourself on lying is a first step… progress… you are on it already George
Welcome George! Glad you found us.
I had a cocaine addiction for years that led to excessive alcohol use. Thankfully, I got clean before losing everything (family, home, job etc) but I know that’s where I was headed. The support of this community and my AA fellowship have been life changing. I can honestly say I never ever want to use again, but I can’t get complacent, so I work on my sobriety every single day.
Wishing you the best on your journey!