I did it. I told my dad how I felt. He came into my room and hugged me before saying “You’re not a burden”. I knew he would say that, the only person who sees me that way is myself. So of course he would disagree. But anyway, yeah. That was one hell of a weight on my shoulders I didn’t even realize I had. And now it’s gone. Thank the gods. The one regret I have is not saying this years ago. Granted I had a shit ton of mental, emotional, and behavioral issues when I was a kid (not an excuse for what I did to my dad) so talking about my feelings after years of being also taught by my mother that I shouldn’t have any, didn’t cross my mind.
I had mentioned a book, it’s called The Black Count, that my dad used to read to me when I was little to help me sleep. He brought it to me.
“Maybe you’ll enjoy it” he said. I’ll take a crack at it here soon.
Let this be a lesson to you guys, don’t let fear keep you from doing or saying something that will benefit/heal you. I know it’s scary, from my own personal experience, and it’s hard. It’ll all be worth it in the end though 
I promise
