I don’t know if this deserves its own thread, but fuck it and YOLO and whatever. Reaching triple digits is a pretty massive deal for me. Many of you know I tried a few times before, and thankfully you don’t even know the half of it. Thanks to the blessing of blackouts, I don’t even know the half of it.
What I do know is that I’ve tried to stop drinking so many times, while with the same breath convinced myself of how much I needed to drink. It was my crutch, my anesthetic, my emotional regulator and my kryptonite. Alchohol and drugs brought out the darkest thoughts from my subconscious and gave them an annoyingly loud voice. But, at the same time, it stopped me from having to feel all that darkness buried deep inside.
For the first time in a long time I’m ok. I have bad days, dark moments and mostly good days. I can manage my emotions and think before reacting. I don’t say hurtful things to the people I love. I don’t lash out. And I don’t feel like someone else needs to have a bad day because I’m in a bad mood. I’m stable and actually proactively working on becoming the person I always wanted to be.
No, it’s not easy. Withdrawal was awful. PAWS were a fucking nightmare. My energy levels come and go. I still have trouble focusing on things, even if I’m medicated. And my mental illness is still very much a part of me. My problems and trauma didn’t just magically vanish because I stopped drinking. But at least I’m not making it worse by pouring gasoline (wine) on it. And the lack of hangovers is pretty cool.
It’s past midnight, I’m awake but, most importantly, I stopped drinking 100 days ago. Thank you all for being here and sharing your tales of triumphs and struggles. We’re all in this together. Change is fucking hard, yet here we are, making it happen.
. Perseverance really does pay off 
.
